clip the wings that get you high.

GONE.

2008-05-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

it's been 3 years or so since i started this blog.
much unnecessary feelings and thoughts has drowned this place.
people tend to think they know me by just reading what i type.
and the tagboard gave permission to those imbeciles to
make a fool outta themselves by flooding lies and
vulgarities- which further proved me right that people
who stick their noses to matters which are none of their
slight concern, have very limited vocabulary(that's why
they speak vulgarities more than a proper language) and have
very low IQ.
not forgetting the best part is that, knowing you wonderful
friends of mine, care. : )
thank you for the encouraging tags and concern.
the good will always be kept in heart.
and the bad, ought to be left behind.
i've decided to create another place to pour my
thoughts, basically meant for the few people who are
close to heart to be updated on how i'm doing.
if you asked and i told you, means i trust you.
if you manage to find it without going thru me,
HA! die luh.... means you're damnnnn kehpoh...
your life verrry sad i tell you..lolle

P.S, i've deleted facebook.
i left it dead, it's really flooding my mail and it has
accumulated to 1k plus of requests.
so for those who are giving me pots of
'flowers', 'ben and jerry's', 'louis vuitton'...

heh.

just gimme the real thing luh... : D

leave this place
i'll start fresh

change for the better

2008-05-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

i feel like i'm different.
and this time, it's for the better.

sometimes, not helping is helping.

P.S/ i won't be in singapore from 12-15 may.
going on a holiday trip together with my sugar bf!

away from all these.

ACCEPTED!

2008-04-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

i was out eating with hun and his bro when my sister
smsed me, 'i think your letter is here.'
*SCREAMS*
my heartbeat suddenly seems to increase to the rate
of 192873918374902384/sec and i felt so jelly.
i swear you could just scoop me up with a spoon
and eat me as dessert.
then the two guys infront of me started to chant
the 'you-sure-get-in' scriptures which i am totally
in the 'one ear in, one ear out' mode.
they continued to chant all the way from amk hub,
to the car, in the car, till my house.
lolle. i barged inside the house, took the letter,
and left house.
he snatched and opened the letter so violently while i'm
facing the wall, talking to it(i don't know why
suddenly it feels that the wall can talk) and
GOING TO PEE IN MY PANTS.
finally he gave a look. not a smile or a frown.
but a WTF?-look.
i snatched the letter, read the first few lines
and said in a surprisingly calm tone.

'i got in what.. why your face like that?'

then he said cheekily, ' ya i know. i act only.'

*pauses*

*still pausing*

*SCREAMS* AHHHH!!! I GOT IN!!!!!!!!
*hugs and suffocates my dear bf*
then tears started flowing.

----.----''

-the end-

i am so grateful to those who have supported me
all this while esp. KSWS PEOPLE!
they are like my big brothers and sisters giving me
encouragement all the time.
lawrence, amy and twin have definitely installed some
great advices into my head. you guys rock!
i wouldn't have grown so much without their presence
in my life.
just to name a few,
my sis, sunshine bestie, szewei, weikoon, elisse and arisa!
love you guys!
not forgetting my boy and his bro of course!
and one very important person who've given me so much
encouragement and life advices from the VERY beginning till now,
ALEX LEE XIANG WEI!
truly, a great friend! mac d's on me! i shall get
you the happy meal you so wanted. : DDDD
the rest i have failed to mention, you know who you
are! : D

THANKS A MIL!

yayy! after worrying so much for a month, i can
finally sleep with ease.
now, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. : )

here!

my boy boy! *flashes teeth* : DDDD
i won't be eager to say he's the one.
but i'll say 我很幸福！
and i'm ready for anything that comes our way! : )
can't wait to see what will happen in this love story.
: D
mom finally supports me having a bf!
and dad totally likes him! 奇迹！

life has turned into happylane.
hopefully it won't turn to another anytime soon.

P.S/pardon me for the lack of updates.
this coming may, will be a BUSY MONTH. :D

X O X O, gossip girl.

LOLLE!
AAAAHAHAHA.

siao.

自爱

2008-04-19T02:37:00.000-07:00

when i was in primary 2, i always get bullied by the
naughtiest boys and girls in class.
reason being i'm a crybaby.
i cry almost everyday cus this particular girl, called joyce,
who used to be my closest friend, doesn't wanna be my
friend anymore.
why?
because i don't wanna give her my 10cents singapore
flag eraser.
so she said, 'i don't friend you liao'.
starting from then, i don't have any more friends.
i cried almost EVERY DAY.
and sometimes if i am smart, i will act like i'm sick and the
office will call home for my maid to pick me up.
i will be damn happy once i step out of the school gate
earlier than the rest of the school. i can even dance
all the way to the bus stop. lolle.
that's a secret between me and my maid then.
but of course, things got better during primary three.
i made new friends.

thinking of then, i couldn't help but to feel foolish.
i could have been strong, but all i wanted was to act
sick so that people would pity me and do things
according to my way.
(you can't blame me for being a crybaby really.)

that's something i never ever wanna be good at.
and that's something i've learnt from myself.

being sick's not an advantage.
it's a disgrace to oneself.
cos if you truly know how to love, you will never
let yourself go thru such pain - allowing people who
love you to watch you in pain.

after this time, shiying, no more.
H20 will be my new bestfriend! : D

2008-04-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

can't believe i missed SFF 2008!!!!
*SCREAMS*
)(*~&@)(#^)~*@(^$#@^%!#(*~@)#!

shorts

2008-04-05T04:24:00.000-07:00

feeling more useless than usual today as i'm unable
to leave the house.
bingo. flu and cough paid me a visit again for the second
time this year.
but basically it's only half-flu, cos only my right nostril's
wasting the tissues.
how very nice to come on a saturday.
i'm missing the best day of the week!
: ( kimseng....
hope twin takes my share of the fun.

so.
alot's been happening lately.
some pictures perhaps.

been to the night safari with mom, wati, and twin.

making animal(and flower) balloons for kimseng people
with no apparent reason because charlie didn't come for
his very birthday celebration.

alicia got sick. :(

we went to the hospital to visit her.
but she's recovered.yayy!

and that big bird balloon is really.. uh..... big huh.

yamaha's drumsticks section neat and tidy because of,
me. : )

kimseng chalet! fwoo! had great fun! bbq people!

kitty kitty!

that's the best part you know what i mean..

cycling to macs as early as 5am in the morning, is awesome.
the breeze especially.

escape!

hanging out with bestie genghui and cotton.:)

and christopher.:)

that car's really cool though. the sky's on it.

no, i'm not weird! you lack creativity!
HAHAHOHOOOOO~~

passed by the pet shop. cosy coseee~~ so nice~~

bought chocs!

okay, very random.
but my head's not doing so good now.
later.

burdens down

2008-03-31T10:03:00.001-07:00

it's a good time to leave my truckloads of worries behind.
so, today i packed up, and left for malaysia to find my twin! :D
i feel so light now. like a feather!
i wish that my dreams will let me float to the stars! :D

type it out

2008-03-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

i don't know.

okay i hate to say 'i don't know' nor hear it.
but today as i think deeper, i really have no idea why.
if you haven't realised, i'm not me anymore.
or is it the hard fact that i've changed?
struggling to grow stronger that i hardly care about
other's feelings maybe? no not.
when i sit down and think, i could feel my presence.
i still know what's right.
i still know what's wrong.
but sometimes, i got to admit, that i haven't really been
thinking about what's best for my feelings.
contributing all the time hurts.
i've been doing a whole great lot at work,
doing my best at whatever task i'm asked to do
and yet that gay boss is still bias towards me.
'happiness belongs to you and only you. if you don't
let others touch it, it will always stay as yours.'
i've been saying this quite frequently to a number
of friends due to their problems.
but i could never quite figure out on how to imply
it on myself.
i can hardly laugh, not even smile perfect.
bad sign for skin i know.
shiying needs to come back.
i miss being me.

oh wait.
i know why.

i'm living in fear almost everyday.
yeah. i guess that's it.

i've been thinking about my nafa results every day ever since
the entrance test was over.
well no one will understand that feeling i suppose.
cos i'm the only one among all that's going thru this.

well blogging helps brain storming.
type it out.
i feel better.

happier posts will come up eventually.
i'm sorry.

friendship. future. love. work

2008-03-25T07:37:00.000-07:00

nothing's right.

i'll come back when something is.
don't come picking me up you lovelies.

nafa

2008-03-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

tomorrow's my nafa entrance test.
i'm scared. : (

change. stooooooopid customers

2008-03-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

have you ever had this feeling when you suddenly talk
to an old friend whom you were very close to in the past,
you can't be yourself?
cos you felt like he/she'd changed?
and then they will mind what you had become/still are?
and then everything feels like it will never be like the past?
but counting on what you guys have been thru, the fun
and laughter, the tears and quarrels, you just wanna hold
on cos it still feels special to you?
and then again you feel like you're the only one feeling that
way and the whole thing sucks because you have no one to
blame cos we're all busy with our schedules and making new
friends, we seem to have gone missing for quite awhile and
suddenly a phone call or message recieved saying
'hey! wanna meet up?'. then we plan, and when
the last minute arrives, at least one person will have their
last minute emergencies to attend to? (including me)
and then it goes back to square infinity?
this time, i wanna go back to square one..
cos that's when...
ALL'S GOOOODDD...

(phone rings) RING RING! RING RING!

(shiying picks up)

shiying: hello, YAMAHA.

stupid customer: ....

shiying: HELLO?

stupid customer: eh? hello? is this yamaha?

shiying: ....... yeah.

stupid customer: i would like to enquire about the guitar lessons in yamaha ah..

shiying: oh yes guitar lessons.

stupid customer: may i know the types of lessons you have there?

shiying: ah yes. we have uh.. the.. rock & roll, blues, country, jazz, RnB, reggae, classical, rap, hiphop, uh... punk, indie, goth, metal... hard core metal.... death metal.... uh.... super hard core metal.... super SUPER hard core metal....
oh ya we also got the new one, emo..
which one do you want?

stupid customer: ......

shiying: hello sir?

stupid customer: ..........

shiying: (screaming) HELLO?!!!

(phone dead) *doot doot doot doot doot*

)@(!*#&)~^@!$#()~@&^$)~*(@!&
stooooooopid customers... stoooooooooooopid uh...

genghui yuren arisa aaron

2008-03-17T07:18:00.000-07:00

i wish that sometimes i didn't have to understand.
i wish that sometimes they will expect me to not understand.
i wish that sometimes we're not close.
in fact, we've drifted apart.
i wish that sometimes they can turn around and understand.
i wish that sometimes they will know that i need them to.

i wish that i never had to feel this way.
i wish that we never had to drift apart.
i don't know the meaning of 'bestfriends' anymore.

i'm tired of making first moves.
i'm damn stupid.

my life is great.
i have so many friends, i laughed alot.
but i have never failed to realise what has gone missing.
and it feels like i'm the only one realising it.
fcuk! i'm DAMN STUPID!!

let me tell you.
it means alot to me.
please.

missing school

2008-03-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

i'm still not used to not going to school.
and the weirdest thing is that, i miss studying.
(well although it's quite pointless for me cos even
after studying freakingly hard for econs, i got an S!)
-(but i still think i'm smart. lolle.)
i miss hanging out with my pencil case,
drawing on my classmates' hands and arms with my
colourful markers. flooding happy faces on my notes,
making fun of teachers' accents, not passing up my
assignments, wearing shorts under skirt feeling,
being scared of the stupid centipedes near the
container classrooms, doing science practicals,
eating lomaikai in class, going to school for band, taking
MCs cos i'm not sick, rebel, singing with koon-er, let
felix make fun of me, let szewei and rachel admire my
abs, talking cock with addie, and most importantly,
ANNOYING EVERYONE. it's the best thing of all.
ISN'T SCHOOL LIFE JUST AWESOME?!
you must be retarded to not enjoy schooling!

i'm starting to fear losing mom.
i totally can't imagine life without her.
I LOVE MY MOM!
EVERYONE SHOULD!!!
who loves shiying's mom raise your hands!
: D

tsk! shiying stop-it! stopit!

YAMAHAhahahahahhaha!!!!
AAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!!
(okay not funny.)
rockszXZxzzxZxZxx sia!
the fwenx are shOoo great nehx!
ai zai worxXSxZxZsxZsxzs.

yah really. i love YAMAHA.

anyway, arsyad told me at work today
that bob marley's a singaporean and he lives in
jurong. that's why you see the grass patch there like
empty empty cos he take all the grass to smoke.

and i was actually considering on believing the
part on where he lives.

i miss twin! :)

urgh. stupid ahlians.

thomas is the animal

2008-03-10T08:09:00.001-07:00

why are you talking like i'm dying for(your) company?
i don't need a boyfriend. i'm doing great.
and i have the patience to wait for a relationship that i'm
certain of a sweet great future.
go get someone who'll fall into your traps and sleep
with you.
urgh! desperate animal.

a goobad day.

2008-03-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

it's been awhile.

i haven't been having any problems making friends
since a loooooong time.
and today at work, she totally pissed me off.
still as straight forward, i asked what she's unhappy
about. she kept saying no. nothing. no. nothing.
like. there must be something right?!
but she's nice. cos arsyad says so.
he said it takes people more time to get to know her.
okay. she's nice.

i injured my finger.
weiyi's nice. he helped me plaster. :)

i lost my money.
hector's nice. he found it and returned to me. :)

i had a bad day at work.
twin and ahliong are nice. they came down to
company me. :)

i love drumsticks.
jay's nice. he put me at the drumstick section. :)

everyone's nice.
give a smile y'all.
all's good.

ALL'S GOOOODDD...

first day of work!

2008-02-27T01:03:00.000-08:00

working at yamaha was a great experience.
i got tricked on the first day of work, twice.
and they poked fun and laughed at me.
HAR HAR... very funny you people..
right. you must be thinking i'm still as gullible...
AND YES! YOU'RE RIGHT!
NGIAHAHAHAHA!!! I'M THE MAN!
HYEAH!!!! *shows the peace hand sign*
alright alright kids! *claps hands*, let me tell you a story...
once upon a time...

*snores*

annoying.

2008-02-24T05:52:00.000-08:00

it's annoying when people ask what i'm doing right now.
not annoyed by the having to answer part,
but the comments i have to hear after i answer..

so.

i've left millennia institute after two years of "what
do i really wanna be in future" thoughts in my mind.
i found where my heart lies, i'm going towards it,
and i'm confident.
i'm not anywhere now, i'm looking for more jobs, going
to concentrate on driving, waiting for my entry test
into NAFA which is the 22nd of may, and god knows
what happens. i might fail. but i won't give up.

of course, people close to me supports, without doubt.

then there are friends.
shiying, are you sure? you're in MI for 2 years
of your life then you're suddenly giving up?
it's like running a race and giving up half way!

tell you what.
i'd rather give up halfway, than to continue,
figured out i lost.
gain nothing from it.
crying, regretting for not going for what i really want.
it would be more of a waste of time that way.
cos at the end of the day, i'm racing with myself.
not with anyone.
we're all different. remember?

there you go. your answer.
and i'm proud it makes perfect sense.
HARHAR...

what happened lately.
i had awesome times.
hanging out with twin and ksws.
had a day out with alex lee and was funny.
ate manhatten.
performed at the esplanade with a great audience.
saf gave me a beautiful rose.
had a tiff with jannanah but i stil love her.
went to MI band to help out.
helping to print band tees.
having bad hair days.
listening to more band music. no not a freak.
i'm elated huimin gave me a valentine's day gift
after bitching about each other last year. <3
i miss szewei, rachel, eddie, felix and koon er.
okay fine i miss everyone.
my bff charlenemilysimeesunshine, gengky.
arisa's my friend. mine.
yuren doesn't care about me.
i miss helmizar, pan, dennis, zhenhui.
ah... not real awesome .
but the awesome ones shine brighter so i see them more.
then again.. it's not like i lost melancholy.

i'll be working at PS's yamaha.
hello.

boring starts. love friends. stars.

2008-02-12T19:31:00.000-08:00

advert.
kim seng wind symphony on beautiful sunday!
CLICK FOR INFO!
oh yes i will be performing! : D
heeharhawhaw! : D : D

i'm not dead, neither am i that alive.
life's pretty still right now,
as usual for the first few months of a new year.
nothing new to fancy, nothing old to brood about.
perhaps a few, but it ain't going nowhere.
so done.

i have applied for tp, waiting for results.
and also nafa.
entry test would be on the 20th of next month.
: D can't wait.

sometimes you wait.
wait for a year or so, and finally the chance came
again. but when you get to see and feel, it's not
what you've wished for it to be. and so, you don't
wanna take that chance. you let go.

i never thought i'd wait.
and i didn't even realise i was, until it finally came.
i saw, i felt. it's not what i wished for it to be.
i dont wanna take that chance.
just yet.
and i have not let go.
and now i know when people said that i'm stubborn,
they're not wrong at all.
just so you know, that intuition has not died.

i had a great evening yesterday.
genghui's the bestfriend!
he's like superman, flying(in a cab) when i needed
a listening ear. fwoo! he rocks!
i love my bestfriends!
and then star gazed with brother chris.
just like old times! (during secondary school days,
we would meet up to star gaze whenever either of
us had problems!)
had a good laughing session.
the stars yesterday night were beautiful.
it felt like i got them all to myself.
it felt like they were listening.
it felt like friendship. : D

a lil' less 19 candles

2008-02-03T06:24:00.000-08:00

19 candles. (edited version!)

sometime last week, i recieved a mail.

my first birthday song.
as early as i woke up on the 2nd of feb, i recieved
a message from alif.
"Good Morning... Just wanna sing, happy birthday to u,
happy birthday to u, Happy Birthday to Shiying...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO UUUUU...."
i replied.
"thanks darlingg.. BUT YOU GOT THE
DATE WRONG LUH!"
cute hor cute. : DDD
thank you!

my second birthday song.
went for kimseng band prac yesterday.
band ended and everyone headed to the usual
eating place while a few of us waited for lawrence
to lock the door.
walked towards there and as i stepped up the last
stair, surprise surprise...a birthday cake awaits with
a whole crowd singing to me. i didn't know how to react as i
totally didn't see it coming but it was amazingly sweet!
hugs and kisses to kimseng band, my second family!

xiumei and jb! i love you guys!
thank you!

my third birthday song.
after the whole dinner cake with kimseng peeps,
rushed to bishan to meet yuren fish, aaron cotton,
genghui bestie and vien!
yuren DROVE us! how cool is that!
and right at 12am, they lit me a birthday cake! : D

my first three wishes.
i absolutely love their company.
it's a worry-free, all-smiles-and-laughs thing.
thank you!

my fourth birthday song.
after the gathering, met dearest zhisen sista!
he said he was sad and needed a listening ear.
met near my house and as i stepped into the
shelter, two heartshaped 'cakes' with litted candles.

(lolle. re-lit-ted with one less candle.heh)
and he sang. yes, on his own. love me sweet sister! :D

thank you!

just two hours past midnight,
i am put to face all these sweet things.
it all happened too fast.
i only get to really smile and feel the love i'm showered
with as i close my eyes before i fall asleep.

woke up, dressed up, met sunshine!

shopping day! fwoo!

and then.. she said she's gonna meet a friend to pass
something. guess who?

these two people got to know each other behind my
back! lolle.
love you sweets!

another gift from my duplicate!

and then had dinner with weiyi! :D

i got free ice-cream from swensens cos it's my
birthday!!! : DD
that's when they sang my fifth birthday song in
a super soft voice. cute uh.

my star balloon from sunshine let go and float right
back up to the sky.
i was sad. i felt cursed. i cried alot.
but as much as i love stars, i guess they are and
will always be meant to shine up there, free.
imagine it drifting to the skies while
i stand there looking at it hopelessly.
it was the bitter sweet part of the day.
cos i still made a silent wish upon it.
and i hope it comes true.

i got home, and out again to meet sis.
he got me laughing hard.
and then, it's over.

well that somehow sums up my whole birthday.
thanks for the wishes to everyone whom in one way
or another wished me a happy birthday.
like messaging, msn-ing, leaving a comment in friendster,
called, tagged at kimseng tagboard, tagged at my tag,
or shouted from the one end of the island to another.
you know, it's a surprise everytime i check my
phone thruout the whole day.
i smiled alot. and i like that feeling.

thanks for the love.
thanks for the hugs.
thanks for the time.
thanks for the gifts.
thanks for the effort.
and it goes out to all of you who played a part in it.

to sim ee and szehou,
it's okay the plan didn't work.
i felt heart and it's more than enough.
i'm really glad to have you both!
and please do not be dismayed.
it was really great! much better than i expected it
to be! plan not failed! : DD
smile smile!
I LOVE YOU BOTH MANY!xoxo

to leong and tzetze.
thanks for so being here even you guys are botak
and back in camp.
if weren't for you both's calls i would've cried
my day away.
xoxo

to zhisen sis,
i'm surprised you did all these for me even after
not contacting for sucha long time.
i love you sis!
and thank you for the company.
xoxo

and lastly, to mom.
thank you for the person i've become.
you're the best mom in the whole wide world and
i love you for that.

withdrawn

2008-01-25T01:33:00.000-08:00

i felt like i lost the world in just a day.

everyone would think they wouldn't be able to see
just one friend as much.
but as for me,
i would stop seeing almost everyone, as much.

i would have to fake a smile each time i hand a rose
to someone i know i'll miss.
remember me smiling. no any other.
parting is painful.
but i know how much i meant.
pretty much. pretty sweet.

i rememberd first day of school when i magically
became a martian in a class of strangers-07s2.
but in less than 4 weeks with me going to
school less than thrice a week, they actually took
the effort to write notes on a piece of foolscap
on my last day, today.
such a simple piece of paper could easily turn
heavy with sweet well wishes.
i totally burst into tears when they handed it to
me before i left.
so feel like hugging everyone.
ahh.. drama queen.

i will so miss my fishes.
i'll make it a point to visit them.
i will so regret not slapping you in the face.
i hope i dream that tonight.
i will so miss wearing the sucky blue uniform.
i will so miss eating sucky GT food.
i will so miss getting back test papers with an egg.
i will so miss being late and running away from it.
i will so miss getting an mc even though i'm totally
fit with abs(szewei must be high seeing this).
and of course i will miss the people.
i will miss capturing more memories.
i will so miss all the things that i will so miss..

eddie and michael totally drew on my hand like
nobody's business during lunch aft school.
it made my trip home very uneasy.
people must be thinking i'm a problem child.
DOH...

draw faces.. scribble... play tic tac toe...

it's not like i won't be back luh hor?
wakaka!

cursed

2008-01-23T03:11:00.000-08:00

life.
i swear i'm cursed.
i'm cursed by year starts.

everytime a new year starts which is just right
before my ___, i always! ALWAYS! get all the shiat.
and no.. they don't come one by one.
they all come in big boxes of horrid surprises!
ahhh fcuk.
i remember last last year... it was ___....
last year was ___...
and this year, *breathes in deep*
ican'tbeartoleavemillenniainstitutenonotbecause
oftheschool,butcosofthepeoplewhomi'llreallymisslike
hellandofcoursethere'sonepersonwhomican't
possiblyseemtoletgocosofalltheimpossiblemade
possiblethingswhicharehappeningtomewhichis
relatedtohimandtheni'mafraidican'tgetintpwhich
issodifficultcosofthefreakinghighcutoffpointwhich
isalsototallynonrelatedtofashionandthen!i'mreally
freakingsickandtiredofdragginthatwholefriendship
whateverthinggoingoncoswhatyouwantyouwantto
getwhichmakesmereallywonderwhoyouarecos
you'retotallynotwhoithoughtyouwereobviously
thinkingyou'remuchmorematureinthinkingatfirst
butthenwhowearetoblamewhateverandthenthat
dayiscomingwhichireallyreallyhate!!!!itsuckslike
kcufnooneseemstoknowhowimportantitmeanstome
andobviouslyi'mexpectingtoomuchcositsomehow
showshowimportantyouaretoyourfriendsand
everythingbuthavingmoreguysasfriendsandnotreally
knowingwhatgirlsarethinkingcan'tblamethemcos
afteralltheyweretherewheneverineededthemandi
lovethemlikehellofcoursenotforgettingmydarling
sunshineandwtfhasallthesegottodowithmycurse!
sayarindukamu.

you're not human if you really understood
the whole thing in one breath.
and!

i feel much better.

twentythree.
twentythree happens to be my favourite number.
and it ALWAYS appears in my life i have no idea.
but whenever it appears, i think of____.
my class jerseys are always twenty three and who
ever that wants to get that same number as me
with get their heads bitten off like SNAP.
eee..

my locker number is so coincidentally number twenty
three with my lock pin AGAIN!, including the number
twenty three.
twentythree appears in my dreams.
my que number at the polyclinic ALWAYS!(YES ALWAYS!)
includes that number twentythree and even the kopitiam
table i sit at ALSO can be number twentythree!
and twentythree happens to be the title of my
favourite song.
and did you watch the movie 'the number twenty
three?
cos they did mention my favourite colour
which is that gay colour.
pink.
P,16 I,9 N,14 K,11
1+6+9+1+4+1+1=23!!!
and that guy who's cursed by the number 23,
has the same birthday as me!!!
are you scared???
wakakakkaa!!
RUN!!! RUNNN!!!!!!!
LOLLE

flowers

2008-01-21T03:33:00.000-08:00

I bought you some flowers
but they died on the way
I brought you dead flowers
Guess they feel the same
So take these dead flowers
Keep these dead flowers
So you can forever think of me

In exchange for these flowers
I'll take back the hours
I spent trying to feel that way

second thoughts

2008-01-14T04:56:00.000-08:00

i'm having second thoughts.
the people, the memories, my fishes in the school
pond, the place.... and of course... the unsettled.
it's tearjerking to think about how it'll be like after
i step out that gate as a non-millennian.

everything happens for a reason.
now, tell me.

goodbye millennia institute

2008-01-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

I,
(EH LISTEN LEH!)
yes I,
have decided to leave millennia institute.
HAHA! WHAT A JOKE RIGHT!??
bye bye millennia institute!! bye bye!!

lolle!

eh you think funny is it.
i'm really leaving. haha! joker.. BYEE!!!
che che......
then as i make my last few steps out the campus,
people will come running after me..
some crying.. some waving...
some shouting 'shiying! don't go!'
the rest shouting 'shiying! we will miss you!'
aww... so sweet.....

yar right. wrong life.

i'm not the best at making decisions i know.
especially things concerning the outcome of my future
cos i know i won't wanna regret.
i don't wanna head nowhere.
i want a specific direction which i can walk towards
to and when i finally see that light, stars shine..
and i guess that was why i ended up in millennia.
i had no goal. so it just stands as a place
for me to shelter myself until the rain stops.
thought done.
i'm leaving to a better tomorrow.
thank you for the memories darlings.
of course, i will do finish my job,
say more thanks,
capture more memories to bring along.
few more weeks i guess. :)
xoxo

2008!

2007-12-30T19:21:00.000-08:00

the year is about to end and something's not
quite done yet.

:)
then i realised..
a wishlist! and also, new year resolutions! hahoooo~~

one. let go

two. get into laselle/RDI/nafa by 2008

three. (still)don't pluck thumb skin

four. higher expectations for own percussion skills

five. a sewing machine

six. clothes! dresses, tops, bottoms, accessories,
contacts, scarfs, undies, bags.... etc. etc...

seven. tell you what. money.... then i go get them myself.

eight. catch up with ol' mates.

nine. charlene and jayla's online shop. :D

ten. if i have the time, a new portfolio

eleven. make smiles

twelve. go to another country to stargaze. (no, not
malaysia. not anywhere near here i hope)

thirteen. own room!

fourteen. an electric guit in green and cream.

fifteen. learn the flute

sixteen. a rock concert with sunshine

seventeen. dream of elvis as my boyfriend

eighteen. driving license!

nineteen. believe in destiny

twenty. make a dress by march

twenty-one. no more laziness

twenty-two. go fishing

twenty-three. love myself

... that's all for now i guess.

well well, i wish you guys all the best for the
coming new year.
drain out the bad and start fresh!
believe me, life is so much worthwhile without
the hate.

to helmizar: NOwe NOwe!
lolle.

eating lights.

2007-12-26T06:36:00.000-08:00

hello, hello, helllll low!
season greetings to you, you, and you
what a merry christmas i had.
well not as exciting as the previous years, but
just enough to make me feel blessed.
hugs and kisses to all and may your wishes
all come true.

updates.

millennia institute symphonic band's performance
was quite a blast.
i had to admit that i dare not invite anyone to come
for it due to the last minute plans, thinking it
would be horrible.
BUT! it turned out just fine.
thanks for twin, chkchk!, lian er, and junhao's support!
thanks to viknesh for the lovely rose(it's already
dead btw.) heh.
and a big thank you for this concert,
i got to know such beautiful souls.

the percussion section!
pohyih, meiling, fion, chinsiang, helmizar, hendra,
me and tzetze.
let's ignore yin whee at the back. HAHA!
i love her btw!

the cute people.

and since someone dedicated smth for me on his blog,
i shall do back the same!

especially to chinsiang
hahas. yes. finally. you got your dedication!
touched right? wanna cry right?
neh mind ah.. don't cry ah.
hahas. i miss your way of talking, really.
first impression of you was you're an ahbeng.
but a quiet ahbeng.
little did i know that you're sucha thick skinned
idiot who likes to make fun of me! aye!
thanks uh!
and seriously, thanks.
thanks for being there when i needed comfort and
when i don't feel belonged.
it was unexpected from you when i didn't even
know you well, but yeah! you're there! hah.
sorry for the tears, and i shall talk to you on msn next.
lolle.
neh mind ah.. don't cry ah. lolle!

sometime last week, i met up with tuankiak
and leong for lunch at vivo.
and leong is wearing PINK!
AYE TZE TZE! LEONG WORE PINK!
AHAHAHAHA!
okay not funny.
but i still think it is!!!
cos you know what's funny to them?
MY NOSE!
freaking hell.
those two retards can spend a whole 15 minutes
laughing at my nose!
and leong!
he even went to the extent of drawing my nose out!
on tissue paper leh!
tsk!
oh! we took a picture!
but kiak's face was a quarter not in it.
so i cut off leong's one as well.

ahh. perfect!
that's for laughing at my nose.HA!
and on christmas, leong called me shiying the
red nose clown.
...
*crickets cricking*

shall blog about kimseng when i have the pictures.

i don't know why my brain works this way,
but i had this funny idea.
you see those christmas decorations at orchard road
and outside shopping centres?
aren't they just beautiful?
i'll feel like glowing with those colourful lights.
so warm, so filled with joy and life.
and if only i could eat them.
eating lights!
let them glow in you, not for you.

lolle. macam commercial.

asri, i love you

2007-12-21T10:13:00.000-08:00

get me a box to put myself in.
throw in paper cut stars and glitters,
a radio playing non-stop of ol' love tunes,
a photo of my family,
the memories of childhood,
the scars from yesterday,
wearing a self designed dress and
dance all day,
imagining you, and me.

you,
with me.

eight more days.
be gone from my memory.
please.

the meal

2007-12-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

we were sitting at the table reading.
no topics to talk about.
or maybe what in mind wouldn't be a good
one to start off with.
an awkward silence.
the food came.
i grabbed the chopsticks and started nibbling
on rice.
the sudden urge of crying.
something is wrong.
it's supposed to be filled with warmth, with
laughter, with comfort.
i don't feel belonged.
it seems like a burden for a reunion like this.
reunions we don't normally do.
not even at home.
why is it so?
i hate the ego.
i hate the silence.
i hate the grudge.
but never will i want to or will ever hate you all.
in fact, i love you all.
things just don't work.

i love the walk in the park.
for a moment, i feel like a child again.

i dare not wish much, just the presence will do.
stay with me.

happy birthday dad.
i love you.

kimseng wind symphony in concert XII.
23rd december 2007
5pm
NAFA auditorium

do quickly sms me for tickets if you want to go.
tickets running out! : D

not worth

2007-12-17T06:10:00.000-08:00

i'm not worth the time.
i'm not even worth that few dollars to be earned
in a day.
no i cannot feel the support.
not even from the few people whom i love the
most and would even die for.
there's no more point.
fcuk.

no goodbyes

2007-12-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

this year has been a whole lot of goodbyes.
and it always happens just when i get to know
people better.
and it had to be you, and you, and you, ....
i hate to say goodbye.
and i won't.
hello you.
welcome to my life.

MCR CONCERT!

2007-12-13T23:50:00.000-08:00

the my chemical romance concert was AWE!SOME!
it's been quite a while since i had such high
great time and the best thing is that i went with arisa!
my love love love love love love~~
:)
the feeling of everyone singing together can't
be described.
too good a feeling.
95 bucks was all to gain! weehohoo!
and and and!
i'm sooo in love with gerard way!
he's the prettiest boy ever..ever....e..e...
aww... who missed it? lolle.
weeheehhohoooo..
but there this stupid thing which happened
before the concert.
some crazies blew balloons and everyone got
excited so they started to push it up whenever it
came their way.
then soon, a few others from different areas
started blowing balloons too!
look carefully.

why do they have balloons and we don't?
until someone shouted.
'it's condom laa!'

DAMN FUNNY!

but condoms makes nice balloons. :)

WE LOVE MCR!

one of my favourites, helena.

almost teared when singing. lolle.

fcuktard

2007-12-13T06:04:00.000-08:00

yuck! i hate shiying!
she's so straight forward with how she feels about
people when she dislikes them!
she's so frank!
she's so not hypocrytical!
she doesn't spare a thought for how people feel
when they actually offended her and her friends!
why is shiying not like me?
i'm so perfect! i'm not straight forward and i don't
like to settle things even when people gives me
a chance which shiying did.
i'm all grown up!
i feel so great cos i'm standing up for my friends
for not knowing what she has gone through!
i'm tagging her tagboard and trying to offend and
screw her life!
i feel so mighty and strong for all the wrong reasons!
i'm screwing up shiying's life! WOOHOO!
SHIOK AR!!!
this is so cool!
i'm caring about someone who sucks!
i shall continue tagging and tagging until she
shuts down her blog! WOOHOO!

YOU WISH.

hello to you _____(fill in your name. lolle).
please contact me. i'm sure you have my number
since you're so interested in me.
i pledge to not scold vulgarities at you or be rude,
but to settle whatever displeasures you have
about me.
i believe it is more appropriate and professional
to settle it face to face.
if your name should not be revealed to public,
it won't. but at least to me.
i'm giving in and it's my final resort since you're
dragging my friend in.
it's up to your conscience whether to compromise.
yours truly and sincerely, CHIN SHIYING

young

2007-12-09T05:04:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just read a few entries posted by the younger
me when i first started blogger.
and hell yeah!

it sucked.
lolle.

urk..
life's sucking every single bit of energy out of me.
i need sleep badly.
but then again,
i don't want to regret in future.

grow up

2007-12-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

someone just tagged at my tagboard saying to
grow up.
well i'm not directly pointing at you, god knows
who you are... uh.. mister.. miss... it.. gay or lesbian.
oh heck that.
it got me thinking. yeah again,
that why do people like to say grow up when they think
that someone they are against has done something
that's not happening in their lives at all, or anymore?
or maybe they think its immature.
but they might have not experienced these
circumstances themselves.
they might actually react the same way when
they are put to face the same thing.
well i might think that people poking their noses
into the life of someone who doesn't even know who
the heck they are are not grown up.
i think you have not grown up, you too think that
i have not grown up.
so why not we care about ourselves and just...
GROW UP?!
what's the difference between the two?
and oh hell.. the best thing is that,
we don't even know who each other
are deep in heart.
(well that's just an example. no offence.
if offended, call police.)

so, why?
why grow up?
one thing is, everyone is growing every single day.
so what makes those grow-up-tellers think that
we are controlling our growth?
well unless its due to malnutrition.
BUT its still beyond our control physically.
and most importantly, our minds learn new things
everyday.
it doesn't have to be facts or fiction, it just has to
be who we are and what we want and do not want
even the dumbest thoughts, like how to suicide.
then again, its how far we've come which brought
us to decisions.
well there must be reasons for people doing the
wildest stuffs, some of such would be attention
and .. what they deem as true love. no?
another thing is although we go to school everyday
and we learn the same things and tie the same
ponytail, or maybe wear the same brand of underwear,
it doesn't mean that eg. when you fall in love, i too,
fall in love.
isn't it ridiculous to have everyone falling in love
at the same time just because they must 'grow up'?
think a little further... if every one were to get
pregnant at the same time..
FWOO!
or maybe fart at the same time.
HAHA! okay no funny matter. we would have
suffocated to death. end of the world i say.
another example,
some people can be REAL REAL protective
over their boyfriends and you both are not even
allowed to talk.
and you think -why is she so ridiculous!
but continue thinking...
she might not be as fortunate as you are,
or a different growing environment.
everyone learns things at a different time.
and some might not learn it at all.
like mom and dad.
they do not know how exactly we are feeling
all the time cos of the generation gap.
do you call them to grow up?
(if yes, you're sucha beast)
we might grow old or even to their graves to not
even know that what they want for us is always
what they deemed as the best.
grown up? or guilty?

there must be a reason for saying those
two words.
well, i've grown, but haven't stopped.
how different is everyone else?
or should i say how different is the majority if
including the mentally paralysed?

just another thought.

ahlian.

2007-12-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

you think that i do not know.
but i know it all.
they didn't know because you lied to them.
so, they dislike me because they do not know
you're this sorta crap.
but there are also things which you do not
know that are happening right behind you
which is again, oh..toobad.
and then i thought when a few more knows about
your oogleh side, you'll be so sorry and then i will
forgive you like how i thought you should be.
BUT NO...
you're still like 'oh! i'm so innocent! she caused me
to behave this way! i wanted her to know how bad
it feels to BLAH BLAH BLAH..'
(hanah hanah... say the same lie so many times..
not sian meh? bomb a better one luh...)
you start to put the blame on me
when its so obvious that its YOU, the
abso-fcuking-lutely big fat liar, who's being totally
juvenile and fake.
how nice a life you lead.
i applaud.
you'll go down one day i promise.
oh.
and no. i won't be the one bringing you down.
you're your own killer.

i'm always being used by people. and why is it so?
if i were your mother....YOU! WATCH! OUT!

i finally understood why brother(keathwee) is always telling me
to open my eyes wider when getting to know people.
and i never believed such low-life exists until i
experienced it myself this time.
but no that big an impact.
the feelings just weren't there.
oops, sorry. wrong number.
you'll always be the best ever underdog in my heart.
nuff for you to handle?

kids nowadays.
holiday, nothing to do, GET A JOB!
put what thick make up?!
to look old and contaminate your skin?!
buy what branded good?!
smoke what pi gu?!
talk what crap on my tagboard?!
ask your mother come find me luh bunch of
immature delinques!

woah.. ahlian leh. scared right?

don't play luh!

(pardon me for this post's language.
not! thinking!)

too much of a good thing..

2007-11-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

oh yes oh yes oh yes!
i'm going to the MCR CONCERT!
i'm gonna get my hair done too!
plus, know what's the best that just happened?
SHAKER FRIES IS BACK!
SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE!
pure bliss i say. pure bliss.
good chance to get fat. HO!
now now... who owes me shaker fries?
raise your hands!

i think alot.
and i know many of you can't agree any further
and are nodding your heads vigorously right now.
but have you ever thought that whenever the
good times roll in, the bad times are following
right behind it?
having so many good things all at once drags me
into suspicion.
like is something bad gonna happen?
why is reality treating me so nice all of a
sudden?

oh shut up.

to biscuit, leong and tzetze!
all the best for today's performance!
i'm sorry i can't be there to support you guys like
how you guys always did for me.
i'm feeling super guilty please.
i owe you guys big! promise!
will be always supporting you guys spiritually!
hugs, kisses and chocolates.

kimseng wind symphony and MI concert.

2007-11-27T05:12:00.000-08:00

year 2007 is about to become total history within
a blink of an eye(okay maybe a few more. oh! oh! do
you know that we blink over 10,000,000 times
within a year? don't believe? count luh!).
how sad that i've taken a few more steps closer to
harsh reality, at the same time, it's joyful to have come this far
together with precious memories tagging behind.
just like those cute lil' tricycles with empty cans tied
to raffia tolling behind. kling! klang! kling!

life. we bring the good ones along, and learn from
the bad ones in heart.

guess its time i update my wishlist.
first to come, hair!
bangs! with short hair. yes?
or maybe egyptian princess style?
aye! not bad!
two, mcr concert with darlings please!
sewing machine. HA! this will come sooner or later.
i can wait.
and,

doh...

or.
i think.
happiness is enough.

hello, updates!

millennia institute symphonic band!
15th december 2007
time and place to be confirmed.

kim seng wind symphony's XII concert!
23rd december 2007
5pm @ NAFA auditorium.
tickets at 10SGD each.

ask me for tickets if interested. :D

i feel like i'm losing a friend.
if it goes on, i'd rather quit.
i'd rather be only, a friend.
not also, a band mate.
i don't know who you are anymore.
don't mix.

ksws gig at sentosa!

2007-11-25T06:16:00.000-08:00

i'm growing to love kimseng wind symphony.
the place, the smell, the sound, and most
importantly, the people.
they are like family.
in fact, i miss them already. :D

elmo koyak when it saw alif. lolle.
afterall, alif's a neh neh! hahohooo!

that's rahman at the background. my chk!chk!

ping and pong! on the way to sentosa.

sunshine on you twin!

this is alicia! she's super cute please!

and this is her dad, our president.
amazing huh.

elisse and szehou. my lovelies!
where's lian er?

this is neh neh alif! yayy.
and no, i don't look like a monkey.

introducing the kimseng percussion section!

randy, alif, rahman, richard, shiying, szehou.
the noise machines!

mass daydreaming. checkeet' out yo~

coconut trees! our new love.

nutcases.

well, as you can see, other than making noise,
we do alot of thinking too.

squeezed.

secrets of the evening sky.

that's all i took. :D

noing noing

2007-11-23T04:16:00.000-08:00

hello people, i'm selling my imaginery friend.
his name is noing noing, very cheerful and lovely.
he helps you bake cookies, cuts your nails, and
even share your sorrows.
with him around, you'll never feel lonely.
below is a picture of noing noing. :)
(use your imagination)

if interested to purchase, a small sum of
$192783749270394857 would make deal.

doh.

i get this random

2007-11-14T08:20:00.000-08:00

i'm back and free from stress.
and thru this period, i realised how horrible my
attitude can change within a split second just
because of stress.
its not a feeling.
its an attitude implanted in me.
and now that i'm out of it, i feel guilt towards the
people around me.
the amount of care showered left heartshaped
sprinklers on my skin.
i love my friends.
they never fail to make me feel special.
maybe not the way i want them to, but good
enough for a smile.

i choose the people i wanna talk to.
i don't mind widening my circle of friends
but if they fail to make me feel special, i
choose to ignore their existance.
its not because i'm arrogant.
its because i don't wanna be just another girl
for some letch to flirt with.
i believe i have a certain high level of dignity.

what's up with purple and black stripes on
ahlians and ahbengs?
it's the ugliest thing i've ever seen in fashion
industry.
and they think its damn nice.
or maybe they made it ugly.
-shrugs-
not cool.

a very happy birthday to my bestfriend mr.
joshua lek genghui.
it felt like a million years of friendship.
you're the colour blind-ed star in my sky.

i found out that i'm a super straight forward
person towards people whom i believe i have a
certain closeness with and also people whom i
dislike alot.
i don't really care if i hurt them, but i make
sure they get what i mean and they learn well.
as for the uncategorised, i leave them to
discover my attitude change towards them.
and when they approach, i'll shoot.
and then again, the question is...
why do i even care?

i don't like changes.

pictures will be up soon.
you know what my soon means.
weehahooo.

i'm sad. i spend.

2007-11-05T18:27:00.000-08:00

my oct till now's spending on online shopping.

aeropostale i love tv tee-$20
f21 denim berms- $20
f21 camisole-$13
tokyo fashion vest- $28.90
aeropostale heartsy top- $23
2 NF shorts cos i bought the wrong size!- $40
grey cardigan- $17.50
black cardigan-$18
grey skinnies- $35
aeropostale yellow polo- $15
someone's present- $*
total = ($230.4+$*) ON ONLINE SHOPPING!

i bought a pack of 1800 bicycle poker cos
i feel like it.
i just bought a new phone.
and soon, i'm buying a new mp4 cos mine's dead.
if i saved all the money up, i would
have gotten a nice vintage camera.

this is what happens when i'm not satisfied with
my feelings. i pamper myself through
material goods.

i've got to stop.
somebody slap me.

fraud

2007-11-04T23:39:00.000-08:00

i'm beginning to feel that everyone is fake.
and i think i'm becoming like one.
not because of the pain cos it was never there.
not because of the loss cos i never had at all.
its because of betrayal.
its because of unfaithfulness.
its because you're fake.
i'm scared of the world.
i treat strangers like they owe me.
vulgarities spill without thought.
i don't want to be like this.
shiying, you're not like this.

to you.
what have you done?
you were precious.
but your shiny silver coating is starting to peel.
that little black spot got me scraping the silvers off.
and when i'm done scraping, the truth reveals
that you're just one fake jewel.
you're a fraud.
too ugly to look at.
too fake to feel.

the world is black.
this cliche is getting so real.
too real to be true in my wildest imaginations.
one, too many.
two, i'm gone.

i'm gone.

random shit. line's back.

2007-10-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

:D
:)

:D

:)

:))

hee hee!

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm retaining in millennia institute.
hahoohoooo!!

tsk! bitch.
i have no idea what i'm happy about.
but at least i'll take this chance serious.

oh.
my line's back.
like long ago.

:)
okay.
bye!
off to read my chinese textbook for A'levels tmr!

yes! it's a big deal!
hahooo~~

a walk down memory lane

2007-10-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

everyone thinks i'm having a hard time.
they're right.

i hate to face this every period of time in life
when i get to feel that everything's changing,
people's gonna leave, what will happen to myself...
its inevitable needless to say.
but its a sour pain feeling in the heart having
to face the fact that everyone in your life can only
walk with you down the road for only a period
of time.
mom and dad, they'll leave someday.
even your soulmate and your friends.
and at the end of the day, you'll realise that
hey! i'm all along by myself!
nostalgia takes place.
life huh.

but then again, i'm not feeling that horrible.
i'm very very lucky in fact.
i've got you guys to paint me life!
what more could i ask for? :)

tay sim ee BFF!
joshua lek genghui BESTIE!
kenneth ignatius valeron KENNY!
lim yuren FISHY!
aaron koh cheak jian COTTON!
arisa nomura MINNIE!
samantha chionh yun shan SIS!
tee sze hou TWINIE PING!
tan weilian LIAN ER!
pan lim boon tat PAN ER!
dennis SHI OH!
zhenhui JENGHUEYYY!
alex lim CRAPPY!
viknesh DARLING!
goh weikoon KOON ER!
gowri devakaran DARLING!
lee szewei DARLING!
rachel peh heng ling DARLING!
noor farhana hanafi DARLING!
grace lim huey hsia DARLING!
eng tze kiat TZE TZE!
leong ROCKS!
sakqtheesh ROCKS!
bryan ROCKS!
tuan kiak ROCKS!
wang junhao HAHHAA!
adib DARLING!
alex kooi wei hao ROCKS!
saw wah WAH!
crayon LOVE!
marcus ROCKS!
lim keng guan ROCKS!
felix BEAR BEAR!
michael thiang shi wen PIG!
jannanah DARHLING!
victoria lim pi tsu DARLING!
genevieve chong xue er DARLING!
eddie I'M ANGRY!
yeung szeman SIS!
hilmi CHOCS!
the whole of 06S1!
daliah LOVE!
marcus ROCKS!
christopher quek BRO!
band juniors and peeps!
fion BABY!
cy ROCKS!
joyce ROCKS!
melinda ROCKS!

i love you guys for being there for me
whenever and wherever.
even without me having to ask, or show, some
of you can just feel me.
whether i'm sick or feeling low, you guys
played a big part in bringing the colours in.
you people gave me strength and love!
友情万岁！
saya cinta kamu!

BUSY LIFE

2007-10-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

16th october - mum to see vice principal
17th october - angklung practice + band practice
29th october - A level mother tongue paper
1st november - project work oral presentation
3rd november - Angklung Kulintang's Concert at..... no idea where
14th november - A level H1 economics paper
20th november - Kim Seng Band performance at changi hospital
15th december - Millennia Institute Symphonic Band concert
24th december - Kim Seng Band Christmas performance

busy busy busy...
inbetween, i'll still have to attend practices and do project work stuffs.
4 performances in 2 months!
why am i included in angklung?
cos they don't have a drummer.
FAHMI!!!!!!!!!!
imagine me wearing a sarong playing the drumset.
oh well.
life's like that.

for me.

i'm lucky i have great support.
if not i would have fallen.
xoxo

beautiful sadness

2007-10-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

heyho, you bunch of suckers!
i, CHIN SHIYING, didn't promote to year three!
:D :D :D :D

this, a day i will never forget.
i do realise the amount of care i'm showered with
for the whole of today.
naggings and advices bombarding my partially
deafed ears for almost forteen hours already.
YET
i feel like its a blessing instead of a tragedy.
i feel like i've grown to face failures.
and this is totally a fall hard enough to deflate
my cute face.(oh shaddapp!)
i feel like i'm.. different.
oh yes, i will survive.
i appreciate and am thankful to all who were
there, spiritually and or literally.

and koon er's words got my jaw hanging for 3 secs.
"loser are not those tat take a longer path,
but its those who give up halfway or u don even
noe wheres the end point"
KOON ER LEH...

gotta thank my class darlings! and
jenghuey, twin, lian, pan, dib, hahha, wah, hilms,
etc. and of course shammy~ not forgetting mrs
kuek, the best mentor ever. i feel guilty for
letting her down. :(

shiying jiayo!

goodbye to you

2007-10-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

(hear song)
sometimes, people got misunderstood by my
actions.
but little did they know its actually because of them
that i did something which is oh-so-bittersweet
and i believe that's a reason which no one can blame
but only me myself.
i care too much.
and maybe i shouldn't even feel to begin with.
cos instead of making the other party feel sweet
and secured by what i did, the feeling of betrayal
rises and all feels numb.
stress is paracetemol for joy and pain.
although i do understand to the max about
what it has brought upon life, i don't think
i deserve to carry the aftermath.
i'm afterall just someone simple, someone
plain.
someone, in love.

integrity, gone.
self importance, gone.
feelings, buffering.

what can i do?
a whole lot truth.
i did.

what can you do?
just a tiny bit of selflessness.
conscience.

if you're lost, you can look and you will find me.
time after time.
if you fall, i will catch, i'll be waiting.
time after time....

oh so cliche

2007-10-02T02:45:00.000-07:00

it's so cliche.

can you stop being like this? it's not like i want it to happen. but it's your fault! ok fine. i'm sorry. it's all my fault. but seriously in my mind i'm still right. i just am tired of quarrelling. but stop shouting at me already! i can't breathe proper. i need some air! will you just give in and stop thinking about your ego?! is my health less important than this tiny argument? i'm sorry but there's nothing i could do or say to make you stop! i'm sorry! i give up! it's all my fault! i admit okay? i just want us to be okay! i promise i won't let this happen again. sorry darling. i love you.

aren't most couples like that?
but on it goes, we all get tired.
we stop thinking.
we couldn't care less.
and then it all disappears,
into...

nothing...

it all seems bleak.
where have we gone?

love shammy!

2007-09-15T03:11:00.000-07:00

ehx! hihi!
mie hp line ish currently suspended.
sho i canortx send ani or recieve ani callx or msgex.
pleese send mie e-mail or tok tu mie on msn if
there's aniting eu wan tu tell miex...
okiex?
mish mie horzxzxxxxzxxzxzzzzxzzzxxxzxzzz
xzxxzxzxzxxxzxzxxzxzxxzxzxzxzxxzxzxzxxzxzx
zxxzxzxzxxzxzxzxxzxzxzxzxzxxzxzxxz...

wtf?!
how do people actually type like that.
i swear i will slap the next person who types to
me in this manner like nobody's business.
lolle.
oh but the above message is what i actually
wanted to say.
you do know how to read the 'act cute'
language i suppose.

oh oh oh!
shammy's so cute!
shammy's so loveable!
shammy's so cuddly!
shammy's so sweet!
shammy's so charming!
shammy's so muscular!
shammy's so precious!
shammy's so strong!

shammy's MINE!
NO SHARING!
I BITE!!
RAAHAHAHA! :3

email: stars.speak@hotmail.com

I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!

in your face!

2007-09-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

EH NEH NEH SZEWEI!
I PROVED YOU WRONG!
AHAHAHAAHHOHOHO!!
LOSER!!!
*puts an L sign infront of sweix' face*
LOSER! LOSER! LOSER!

The person who tagged you : LEE SZEWEI
(pronounced as seeeee weii~~)
Your relationship with her : my darling! (:
Your 5 impression of her :
1. SHE'S GAY! -uh.. cheerful-
2. weird
3. she takes care of me! LOVE HER PLEASE!
4. super great friend!
5. neh neh gossiper. lolle

The most memorable thing she has done for you : she praised my abs.

The most memorable words she said to you : shhhhhhhhhhhiying... you want to pee huh?

If she becomes your lover, you will? what are you talking about? we're already together. HAHOHO!

If she is your lover, what improvement/s would you like to see her changing : stop commenting on my chest.

If she becomes your enemy, you will? i will...be...*sings* coming around the mountain when i come.. i'll be coming around the mountain when i come~~

The reason why she becomes my enemy? because she scolded me GILA! bloody hell..

The most desire thing you would like to do for her: be there for her whenever and wherever she needs me.

Your overall impression of her: she's abso-fcuking-lutely awesome!

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for :
1. a happy loving family please.
2. i want to touch a star
3. i want to see everyone smiling.
4. i want szewei to not get her driving license so that i can catch up and drive a car before she does. lolle
5. i want 5 more wishes.

How do you think people around you feel about you : OMG! SHIYING SO CUTE!

The character you love about yourself : just being myself.

On the contrary, what do you hate about yourself : i care too much.

The most ideal person you would like to be with : i'm already with him. (:

What do you want to say to your loved ones : uh... i rock?

Pass this quiz to 9 friends whom you wish to know how they feel about you :
[you think i will let them touch is it?]
1. SHAMMY!
2. SUNSHINE BFF!
3. SEE WEEII!
4. JB TWINnie!
5. LEK GENGHUIII bestie~
6. ARISA MINNIE~
7. RACHELlllll!
8. AARON COTTON BUDD~
9. FISHY~~~

When was the last time you chatted with #3 : like...now?

What kind of music does #8 like : METAL and ROCK!

Does #6 has any siblings : yeah. 2 sisters. MISATO AND MIKI. (MISATO'S A MONKEY FACE!)

Will you woo #3 : i told you we're together already right?

How about #7 : ya. we 3 are married please.

Is #4 single : YUH!! but he's not even a whole. he's a half.

Surname of #5 : LEK LEK LAKE LEAK LICK LID SID SHIT. LEK LUH.

Nickname of #1 : shamuel / pao pao cha~~

What's the hobby for #5 : he LOVES to sleep and to spend time with vien. (:

Do #5 and 9 get along well : TOTALLY! LIKE GAYS!

Where is #3 studying at : my school!

Have you tried develop feelings for #1: i don't have to try. he's so charming! (to me) heeh

Where does #9 live : BISHAN! YAYY!

What colour does #4 dislike : whatever i dislike. :D

Is #1 and 3 best friends : no. but they both love me. :D

Does #7 likes #2 : uhm.... they don't know each other.

How do you know #2 : URGH! BAND. SHE THOUGHT I WAS AN ACT CUTE PERSON!

Does #5 owns a pet : oh please. his house is like a farm. chinchillas, rabbit, a dog, fishes....etc.

judging

2007-09-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

its quite inspirational to hear people judge you
for who you're not. [ahem.. when you don't know
them.]
at least the people who loves you know you're not.
i mean.. that's all that matters to me luh. DUH..
but imagine me really becoming who they think i am.
woah.... quite cool to be a bitch sometimes.

friendships are ought to be cherished and loved.
i can't agree any further.
don't forget to be thankful.
they're the little surprises sent down to us all. :D

guess i've grown.
or maybe i'm just tired.
didn't get me bothered.
but its not very nice to say my loved ones.
just give it all to me.
you don't even know them.
neither do i know you.
so please.

2007-09-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

disgusting shat.
she wears a bikini at home taking pictures of her
own reflection in the mirror while sucking in her
belly when clearly she has one. (a big one)
then WALAH! MAGIK!
why the picture no belly?!
amazing!!! i also want!!! :D :D :D
but where's the swimming pool? =/
that guy interested in you?!
omg!!! you said he's ugly?!
but why? you're uglier what..no?
and then she gossips about people.
buying "best"friend-ship by giving cute little
tokens every now and then..
oh so sweet!!!!!!!!!
>.<

fcuk you.

you're boring luh.
stop trying to entertain everyone else.
the end of the world is coming
don't bring it forward pls.

hello suckers!
i'm prepared to retain! :D
i shall make the rest of this year amazingly
right!
and i congratulate whoever's been cursing me!
i love my boyfriend! :D
i love my friends! :D
hurray!

jannanah...
here's to you.
6 weird things about me:

#1 coffee makes me want to sleep
#2 i like to laugh till i pee
#3 i talk to objects when i'm sad
#4 i wish i'm bald
#5 i have weird friends like jannah and szewei
#6 just being me is weird enough

life's too short for regretting.
i'm so not gonna regret for not studying.
i'm just gonna be lazy no more.

i love tao kae noi!

我要的

2007-08-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

我不要。
我不想读书。
我要设计。
我要设计许多漂亮的衣服。
我要开一间服装店。
我要在街上看到人骄傲的穿上我设计的服装。
那样的感觉一定很爽快吧。
可是书也读到一半了，
如果放弃，会不会很可惜？
我两个都要。
可是我又怎样做才不会为难爸妈呢？
再重复会被人看摔吗？
我不要...

foster's big fat house party!

2007-08-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Singapore!
welcome to weather forecast, this is shiying
speaking.
today there will be scattered thunder storms
around the whole of singapore and
temperatures will be from 26 to 30 degrees.
roads will be wet thus drive with caution.

BUT WHO CARES!
AHAHAHHAHAHHA!
my favourite cartoon in the universe is on!
tune in to cartoon network for
FOSTER'S BIG FAT HOUSE PARTY!
saturday and sunday!(18/8 & 19/8)
12pm to 6pm!

someone buy me the whole series!
WAHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!

my turn

2007-08-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

everyone gets to experience the little big
different things in life.
i'm sort of a pessimistic person.
i worry. i panic. i fear. alot.
i'm scared to lose what i have.
i'm scared to accept what is given.
and that is why i got into this state when i get
to no where. cos i spent most of my time
entertaining myself rather than reaching for life.

hafiz says 'shiying. your life is such a tragedy.'
and i would say 'shut up bitch!'
now i think likewise.

i've seen friends losing to themselves struggling
to get back on track.
i tried helping.
i even thought i was clever to offer to pay for
one particular friend's school fees.
naive.
i knew how it felt like.
and now i feel like.

i feel like a lost star in the black universe.
i'm worrying about what i'd become,
what i'd have to go through.
there's just too much to actually sum up how
i feel right now.
i'm sorry mum and dad.
to kor too.

the 'if i don't get promoted' choice(s).
1. go straight to fashion school.
2. retain in MI

the 'if i get promoted' choice(s).
1.struggle one whole year for A's.
this is unlikely to happen.

urk!
give me a break!
please save me flash.

things to let out.

2007-08-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

sometimes its me.

i'm becoming to look like some kinda freak.
bad hair days and dark circles.
just the perfect person to take the role of a
beggar in some kinda tv series.
tell me i'm kidding.

no i won't believe you.

ohhh boy.
getting corny lately.
you see, i'm stressed.
and i don't think i'm very sensitive lately.
i don't think before i speak sometimes.
but hell yeah.
i helped someone break up with a fretard.
i'm mean. :D
but i'm doing something awfully right.
wahohoho!

i'm singing chinese songs i tell you.
freaky.
don't be surprised if i can sing hindi songs
one day.
and probably i'd plant a coconut tree soon after.
:D
SO COOL!

hand ball is a super fun sport!
wahoho!
but we lost.
and my team's name is SO COOL~!!
uh.. as in the name itself.
think you can guess who chose it.
HEH.

oh! oh! oh!
and do you know that we blink over 10 million
times per year?
that's like...so, gay!
i know right.

national day celebration in school today!
played the snare for parade.
super freaky.
didn't play much rhythms.
urgh. i could have!
stupid shivering sweaty hands!

i do hope i'll have time to get her a present.
but i know she'll understand even if its late.
she loves me and i know it very well.
besides, what are BFFs for?

to all.
forgive me please for my lack of response.
it's not that i don't care.
i just really don't wanna get distracted.
my concentration level is like super low.
i just have to focus.
and i've blocked out all buggers that might just
trigger my nerve anytime.
like what my refuge said, true friends will
understand.
and i believe so.

oh. when i appear online, i'm not really exactly
there. so don't expect my to reply sometimes.

i do day dream about my friends. you know
who you are. you're deeply missed.
alot.

and then samuel rocks.
like, DUH.
couldn't have made it w/o you.

and *poof!* right back into your heart.

you disgust me

2007-08-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

i'm DISGUSTED.
(sorry, but this entry is to let out my anger on.)
life is just bad enough.
there just has to be fugging birds testing my
patience and ridiculing themselves infront of me
every now and then.
i eff-ing have NO IDEA why i care, but
i guess stress made me feel like everyone owes
me something.
i feel like doing something extreme.
but what the heck.
i don't wanna go to jail.

1. to you-can you STOP! i said STOPPP acting
like you're a goddess please?
you're not hot.
you're not pretty.
you're short.
you're ugly.
all these nevermind.
but can your skin get any thicker?
you broke up with him and then you told some
random guy that doesn't even know you guys
are together that 'hey! i broke up with him! now
he very sad leh!'
okeh lor.
the day after you all broke up i still went to eat
long john silver's with him and we still laugh until
wanna pee leh.
why uh?
and then why a day after i knew you said that i
heard from him that you asked him for patch uh?
PLUS you can tell me 'you know.. after i broke up
with him my friends all spread around say i'm single
and then suddenly alot guys wanna come after me.'
kiss my ass.
they must be drunk if they really did.
and thanks for allowing your lama-faced friends
to detest me for no reason.
friends stand up for one another.

2. i can be your friend.
but you abso-fucking-lutely took my friendship
for granted.
good luck to you in your future endeavours.
don't ever come looking for me telling me
bullshit when the tide is low for you.
i don't wanna know.
i don't need to know.
you're wasting my life. my friendship.
never should have cared so much.

3. you guys friggin' gossiped about me in the past
and you're acting SOOOO friendly to me in school
like you want my autograph.
it's scaring me luh.
why? guilty conscience coming up?

sooooo disgusted.
but yeah. actually not alot luh huh.
i don't mind knowing alot of people.
but can they be more careful of what they say?
cos i'm not as angelic as oprah winfrey.

sorry for lousy and rude english.

i want to...

2007-07-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

i want to:
-eat a fish bowl of gummy bears.
-buy a sewing machine
-have my own pretty room to be cosy in.
-cry my heart out.
-a good watch
-run away from everything with you.
-sit ferris wheels 100 times in a day and vomit
like crazy.
-adopt a tri-legged pup.
-buy a ripcurl bag
-have natural straight hair
-eat yuki n yaki
-a retro green elek guitar.
-meet elvis presley
-sleep under the stars
-play drumset with more confidence
-make heart cookies for everyone
-have perfect eyesight
-a kaleidoscope
-a new phone
-bigger...
-break a world record by fixing a million piece jigsaw
-dark chocolate ice-cream
-create my own fashion line
-finish up my half composed love song
-a good massage.
-stop plucking my finger skin.
-a small little fridge filled with chocolates and candies
-mend broken hearts
-kill smokers
-time with my friends
-score good grades
-score good grades
-score good grades
-score good grades
-score good grades
-time
-time
-time
-make people around me proud
-make people around me proud
-make people around me proud
-make people around me proud
-make people around me proud

to mr muhammad nbcb nurasri bin mustapha.

2007-07-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

hello mr. notebook!
you shall be my new bestfriend!
dad bought notebook so i won't have to snatch
the com with sis.
hell yeah! Windows Vista!
and why am i telling you all these? :/

i guess its quite obvious i'm sick again.
really sick. can't speak much if not you'll
see my throat burn. don't dare me.

look look! i won a prize for some chinese
drawing competition thingy!

okay fine its nothing big.

life in school's a mess.
i can't get things right.
focusing but whenever after i try i hear people
who love me telling me 'hey... better listen in class.'
i feel like i'm not doing enough.
i only have one pair of ears my dears.
trying to try okay? :D

its so disgusting to know that someone other
than myself is trying to mess up my life.
come on. don't you like have a new girlfriend?
i'm so totally not jealous. i'm just DISGUSTED.
you're sucha loser to think that i haven't gotten
over you.
why? your girlfriend not up to your standards?
just ma-effing mind your own business alright?
i don't need YOU to tell any other who i am.
am puh-lease.. you thought i would wanna
purposely look at you?
sorry but you're not that handsome anyway.
its your height that got you the attention.
oops my bad.
and wow, i see you kicking off girl friends aye?
irony..irony.
sheesh.
oh and those... people come to me to tell me
even when i don't wanna know.
i don't go to them to ask FYI.
but can't deny that its fun to look at how one's
life screws up.
good luck, bird.

who are you guys?
caring about me and saying hello?
stop bring hypocritical!

viknesh! samuel's not attached! but neither is
he available! don't gay ogay? wahoho!

can't wait to see twin-er and lian-er on saturday!

SAMUEL'S NOT AVAILABLE!

needing sleep

2007-07-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

MIGRAINE PAID ME A VISIT TODAY!
how very nice my dear friend. urk!
and so, ~~mighty~~ shiying didn't go to school!

how miraculous that everytime i need a break
from everything, i get all these shat.
but despite it, it allows me not having to lie
about not going to school! coolness!
thank god.

i don't have to feel that way do i? but ....
WHATCHEVERXSZXSXZ...

i'm gonna clear up my messy table and file all
my notes for all the subjects in order so that
studying will take lesser steps. gonna go get an
MC and then buy dividers, files, post-its, a big
hole puncher and maybe cut my hair AGAIN.
cos it's growing thick again. how absurd. my
pimples are multiplying everyday and GAWDD
i wake up to horror every morning while looking
in the mirror. i scare myself sometimes. hah! ok
that's common but drop it. i miss miss miss so
many people like so so so much. that's what i
ALWAYS always always say but wtf i have no
time and that's why it's so so so freaking annoying
that i have to repeat and repeat and repeat that
miss them and it's not the 'saying that i miss
them part' that's annoying. it's the part when i
stil still still still don't get to hang out with them
that irks me so so so much. and why why why
are you reading all these when it's totally
so so so boring? yeah i know... cos you care care
care about me? don't lie... cos you're Kaykaykay
pooo..JUUUUUUST KIDDINNGGGG~~~
OOOHHHKAYYY SHIT. I'M GOING
NOODLES. head's spinning like a merry-go-
round.

anyway..

want to go hougang anot ah?
[for people who understand only. ]
wahoho!

one last thing.
SUPPORT ELAINE ON CAMPUS SUPERSTAR 2
REVIVAL ROUND!!!
CHANNEL U! MONDAYS! 8PM!
[i'm on tv i'm on tv! chehba..lol]

my heart's a door

2007-07-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

day dreaming makes me emo.

before entering a room, you knock on the door.
it's either you stay in the room, or you take, give
or return and then leave.
and when you leave, you don't just open the door
and leave it open or close it with a bang.
close it properly.

my heart's a door.
knock it or leave it.
and when you come in, don't mess it up please.
but if it's accidental, don't push it on me.
don't leave the door open for me to ask why.
don't bang the door close right infront of my eyes.
i will seek for answers and i will ask why.
but till i'm tired i'm sorry , goodbye.
you're precious please know it.
it's not that i want it.
but if you have no choice, please leave a note.
close my door and smile cos you know
it'll still be open even when you go.
don't leave it open, keep it shut.
but what if you do, i don't give a fcuk.
i know my angels will seal it right.
it's up to your conscience if you can sleep tight.
i won't give a damn cos i've put in my might.

just want to tell with all my heart, my love
for you people is much.
please take care of my heart.

no pointing fingers if you're wondering.

yes i'm sure.

when you're gone

2007-06-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

you've GOT TO WATCH the MTV!
it's avril's 'when you're gone'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf1R2oZohn4
tearjerking-ish beautiful i say.
i've been feeling scared and lost the whole day
after watching it on mtv.
gee i wonder why.

sometimes whatever people say becomes a
threat to me myself

what if they don't mean it?
and in otherwise, what if they do mean it?
and what if they change their minds after
saying it on whether they meant it or not?

am i gonna believe them?
or am i going to stick to their first words?

and then will i be fooled if i do?
or will i be fooled if i don't?
and again was it a mistake to even listen to
him/her in the first place?

sad to say shiying, but this is life.
every one has somehow got to be fooled one day.

holidays are OVERRR!!
happy and sad at the same time.
i wanna see what crap will happen in the new
term.
seriously looking forward to more nonsence.
people can get really entertaining when they
think that i can really be so soft.
sometimes they're right.
but most of the time, i'll play along.:D
changing lanes.

i love IJC! my second home!
wahoho!
oh! pictures!

presenting to you the noisiest duo in band.

CY! control yourself!

count the number of people in the picture.

tina! xD

explicit content.
close your eyes if you feel uncomfortable.

i love viknesh!

horizon madness!

woah!

camwhores!

again!

sweet talk!

the last pathetic fries!

us AGAIN.

AND AGAIN!

AGAIN!!!!!!

ok it's them. HUGE TYRES. WOAHHH

someone trying to fit in.

i'm from IJC! not...

what luh?

cover your mouth please!
but seriously his mouth very big hor?

nothing to say...

like little kids. :D

once upon a time.
there are 4 teletubbies.

then i'm their mother. LOL

love them!

samuel's the king of hearts. lol

pimp my stix weilian!

he rocks!

whatever man.... anything lorrr...

sitting on the floor of the mrt. :D

breakfast anyone?

he brightens up my day!

three rabbits named SIAO, TING and TONG

lols. macam we buying it.

TWINS

guess this place!

study mad

going against gravity

poolll

ahlemak! andre cannot stretch! wahoho!

coolness!

weilian's nuts!

told you.

early in the morning at mac!

the 4 of us! on our mission to fetch SHAMUEL!

3 retards staring and waiting.

one more minute for brunei!

angels with flowers.:D

waleowww

new hairr

whose nostrils bigger?

WE MISS SHAMUEL!

HAHA!

cam whoring at budget shop..

think you know the answer.

innocent

monstrous

spaticism!AHAHA!
i accidentally sent this picture TWICE to my
friend. SUPER FUNNY. lols.

shamuel's science experiment!
motive: to make the 'ball' expand on one side and
shrink on the other by putting something hot and
cold on both sides.
and that's our craziness by thawning (viknesh) too
much. lol

HAO TEH!
the best TEH in the world!(i'm serious)

keng guan!

we own civics mac! WOAH!

HIM IT HIM

we're this crazy..

including our LIAN-ER~

straw made by LIAN ER!

my candy bracelet bought by shamuel!

tired of studying..

samuel's birthday! shopping for ingredients!

and we make this! DELICIOUS!

happy birthday darling! [22nd june 2007]
thawning at pan's house.

DENNIS!

WAH WAH AND SHAMUEL

the sweetest couple.

PRRRRAATA house at night!

watching like he's an animal from the outside. LOL

shuduan's gay that they're gay.

my buttless son and shamuel!

school starts.
back in track. wrong BETTER track. :D

IMLIH

2007-06-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

thanks luh you this (breathes in deeply) kaninehnehpok
sucker eyes like donut mouth like peanut
brain like coconut you this nutless asshol emaking me sound
as if i'm desperateforyou when youaretheonecontactingme
likemostofthetime.ohfcuk i'wussoblindtohaveseenany
charminyou whenyou'rejusta bloodydickheadjerkass.
RAAH!!!!!!!!!

i will follow you into the dark

2007-06-19T23:15:00.000-07:00

this song makes me wanna cry.

death cab for cutie.
i will follow you into the dark.

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

thank god for friendship

2007-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

what are you waiting for?
i'm not running away from you.
patience i will give.
but when you come back, i might be off to find
another way.

song lyrics comes to good use this time. :D
suckers visits my blog but they do not leave a
footprint or a sign of before presence.
thanks for leaving my tagboard to the crickets uh.

i'm glad i'm enjoying life.
not actually relaxation kinda enjoy, but what
i meant is that i enjoy living every single day.
i don't feel alone even when i'm like, alone.
i have the greatest people around me to provide
more than i could ever expect.
so blessed. so blessed...

laughter of joy, my favourite sound in the whole
universe.
it makes me feel belonged. and that's what i do
and hear every day of the holidays.
oh what would life be without them i wonder.
so precious.
but no they won't leave.
i know it's gonna last a long long time. :D

random shits:
i cut my hair short.
i hate it when the toilet bowl automatically
flushes when i'm on it. [it takes away the want
to shit feeling]
i like to laugh till i nearly pee and have stomach
cramps.
i want to go to the gym real badly.[i'm growing fat]
i support elaine from campus superstar!
i want a balloon now.

and the rest to figure out yourself.

p/s I LOVE SAMUEL! lols you lucky sucker.

30th may concert

2007-05-31T03:20:00.000-07:00

yesterday, 30th may, was the concert.

gonna thank my closest friends and family for

showing up.

thank youu!

love the bouquets, gifts, you guys' presence and

of course the hugs!

i feel so loved luh.

and jannanah totally came all the way down just

to pass me chocolates as an encouragement and

totally left again before the concert started.

oh man. i feel sooo sweeet!

love you people for adding super much sugar t

yesterday. xxoo.

whole formation of band drawn by

ONG DUAN DUAN!

super cute pls!

my darling percussion section!

michelle, hafizah, JB, selene and shiying! :D

:D

people i love the most!

brother and girlfriend!

more pictures soon. :D

bittersweet

2007-05-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

i feel bittersweet.
i've got alot and i mean ALOT to do.
band concert booklet, overdue physics assignment,
chemistry mock SPA revision, chemistry mock
exam revision, econs case-study, etc etc.
ahhh... fcuk.
i need a hug like now.. badly.
i'm sure i've set my priorities right.
i'm pretty sure i won't be late for school again.
i'm freaking sure i miss my friends.
like hell lot of them.
i feel lousy.
but yet again...
i feel loved.
i like the way he looks at me.
i like the way he holds my hand.
i like the way he assures me that everything
is gonna be fine.
i like how he lets me lean on.
i love having him around.
he casts darkness away and brings rainbows
and sunshines right into my heart.
just like magic. :)

just with you, i like it slow and sweet.
we have all the time.

silver lunch truck girl!

2007-05-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

my temper's getting worse.
been quite vulgar lately.
have no idea why luh. *looks at hanif*
but i think most of it is cos i've not been having
enough sleep.
i totally have dark circles and crow feets around
my eyes now.
raah!
i let go of them into the school pond.
they deserve freedom after listening to so much
of my sad stories.
it's quite odd that people emo for their gone away
dogs/cats while mine's like.....fishes.
i ran for heats and got into the finals for 200m.
but, didn't run for finals. hor hilmi?
i'm a good girl. :D

have you ever wondered about what you can
do for other people?
like how you can make people's lives easier?
if i have alot of free time, i wanna be a silver
lunch truck girl!
imagine people working hard from morning till
afternoon and they are hungry and thirsty.
and there i am! delivering lunch to them.
then they'll take off their hard yellow hats and
enjoy.
that feeling's gonna rock big time i say.

i've fallen for you.

senses are extra.

2007-05-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

humans are made of earth.
that's what's heard and i believe so.
sometimes i just wish i can go to somewhere
enchanted where the sound of the river flows
and the birds sing a beautiful lullaby and i can
just lie underneath an old willow tree breathing
their lonely, yet refreshing scent of sweetness.

the earth is speaking to us but we can't hear
because of all the racket our senses are making.
sometimes we need to erase them.
starting from the toes we imagine a colourful
wind eraser rubbing it away all the way up to
our lips noes eyes and ears.
and maybe in the end- the earth will touch us.
we can hear the trees crying their silent
melancholy.
the stars will speak.
and we hear the hovering sounds of meteors
right above us.

how nice.

the world is black

2007-05-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

we get to choose our groups for project work tdy.
i was tired cos of PI preperation.
but i still know and can feel the pain of others.
suddenly it seems that we see each others' true
colours when it comes to choosing people.
i've never believed in the phrase 'human-beings
are selfish'. but yet i proved myself wrong today.
welcome to the real world-i hate.

to you, i'm not siding him.
i'm siding ethics.
it's basic response.
but i don't get why these shit is happening.
and i feel like i care too much again.
go ahead go ahead no one's stopping
do what you deem fit.
i'll sit and watch this happily-never-after life
of yours.
just always remember that i'll never do or say
anything that'll cause you hurt.
cos i've always been true and i don't have to
prove anything

band is always my place of happiness.
i always have something to look forward to when
it comes to practices cos that's the part when i can
really be myself and laugh and fart at the same
time.
i so love you guys! xxoo!
you guys never fails to bring the rainbow after
the storm.

i wanna thank so so many people for helping me
in my PI and everything! :D
esp EDDIE SOH!
MUHD HILMI!
NOOR FARHANA!
LEE SZEWEI!
MDM ONG!
GRACE LIM!
RACHEL PEH!
and ALL the rest who really put your heart to
help me when i was in panicking state.
as in really panic until can pee..
I LOVE YOU GUYS OH-SO-MUCH!

for szewei that retard

2007-05-02T03:06:00.000-07:00

talk to me.

ok stop.

i can't hear.

but whyyyy do i have this kinda friend?

her name is szewei.[left]

she's supposed to be in mental institute[MI],

but as she has a problem with differentiating

things, she came to another MI,millennie

institute.

due to sympathy and weak heart, she was

allowed to join us in school.

but damn.. she's crazy.

i love her so much but she just couldn't

understand whatever i said esp when i say that

I'M NOT CRAZY

urgh. i'm bad at this.

you win la k fine.

look at what she did before even thinking!

www.sweix.blogspot.com

#(*&@!)(*#&(*@_!(*)@)!#

burning clocks

2007-04-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

been b-b-busy like for soo long.
but of course fun and sweetness included.
ooh how could i ever forget. *smiles like crazy*

PI is killing me. but i love my groundbreaker.
he's so elvis presley!
ok fine. he IS elvis presley.
and so many would say 'i knew you'd pick on
someone that has got to do with music.'
i swear you're stalking me la deh...
or was that just obvious?

feeling nostalgic lately.
a different nostalgic this time. i'd smile instead.
i like it that way. bittersweet. has always been.

band practices at IJC has been helleffun!
i ESP love JBoi and selene and samuel and xiaodre!
not forgetting vickynenesh! [i love hafiz too!]
they make me smile like crazy!
like even now when i'm blogging about them i'm
like smilling.
hoohoohoo!
i'd die for them to join MI. lolle.
but dream on ..dream on..

i'm addicted to MR. BRIGHTSIDE!
been singing it almost the whole day and i swear
hanif is going deaf cos at the same time, farhana
is singing to scissors sisters today.
and there's this stupid point at the stair case
while me and hanif was walking up, he was
singing to scissors sisters also with his bloody
high pitched voice and i was eating french fries
from hilmi. then the AV manager was walking
down looking at us with that oh-my-god-who's-
singing-like-that look. then hanif was
like 'SHIYING!!!'
fcukeneheh...
i was eating la deh.
and puh-lease.. i sing better.
haks!
fine la. choke.. choke and die.
i can watch. :D

i miss i miss i miss.
but there's no time.
so what's the point of saying i miss when i can't
do anything about it?
i've been a bitch lately. hilmi knows.
i've not been a good enough buddy to my cotton.
ahhh.
tick tock tick tock.
i swear if i get a chance, i would be like qin shi
huang. just that he burns books.
i'll burn clocks.
nyahahaa!

HOLEEY!
i spent like 06981251290873401928 seconds
blogging.
*smacks forehead*
and i should care.

my deathwish

2007-04-30T02:21:00.000-07:00

when i die, i want my body to be burnt instead
of buried.
and then my ashes will be sent to outer space!
imagine living with the stars and planets during
the afterlife.
:D
:D
:D
:D

it's just random and dumb.
but it's my deathwish.
so stop laughing.
I'M SERIOUS OKAY?!
(i sounded like a bimbo right?)
oh shut up. don't comment.
(then again...)

to hilmi

2007-04-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

you're just the sweetest thing! :D

if only...

2007-04-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

the brain is like a library.
memories, knowledge, morals, conscience and
everything else packed inside.
and if you were to get hurt or traumatised by
somethings which you couln't let go or is haunting
you, you erase them by operation.
the operation procedure to get off that particular
bubble enraptured with memories of the bad.
it would cost alot of earnings.
but it would save you from a life time of misery.
you get instant ideas on how to solve things you've
done before.
you won't forget anything or anyone- just like a
pocket dictionary.
tests and exams are worthless activities.
the brain just gives whatever you've heard before,
seen before, smelt before, felt before, taste before.
and the best part is you're able to erase them all
for good riddance whenever you want to.

and i forgot to add two words infront of this entry.
'if only'.

boringgggg

2007-04-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

really bored now.

A.) 3 names you go by: shing/jayla/ying
B.) 3 screen names you've had: elephant? uhm.... shiyingg? i don't remember.
C.) 3 physical things you like about yourself: my eyes[if i have enough sleep], my abs[because szewei loves them], my dimples! :D
D.) 3 physical things you don’t like about yourself: my NOSE, my fingernails, ahem..
E.) 3 things that scare you: loneliness, roaches, my hair
F.) 3 of your everyday essentials: food, music, friends
G.) 3 of your favorite musical artists as of now: saosin, sixpence none the richer, emery
H.) 3 of your favorite songs: kiss me, i can tell, may angels lead you in
I.) 3 things you want in a relationship: trust, happiness and little surprises
J.) 3 physical things that appeal to you in the opposite sex: eyes, smile, arms? heah.
K.) 3 of your favorite hobbies: stoning[really..], play music, sports.
L.) 3 things you want really badly now: TIME!, a hug, rest
M.) 3 careers you are considering/have considered: astrophysicist[almost not possible], a fashion designer[yeah babeh!], uhm.... psychologist?[i think i'll totally drive ppl nuts]
N.) 3 places you want to go on vacation: rome, hongkong, france
O.) 3 things you want to do before you die: make sure i gave mum and dad a happy life, witness a miracle, fly to outerspace and say hi to all the stars!
P.) 3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy: how much i eat, how i sit, how much i wanna have muscles.
Q.) 3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl: i bitch, i'm neat, i shop!ALOT!
R.) 3 things you love: family, friends, myself

hilmihilmihilmihilmihilmi

2007-04-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

i'm so gay!!!
i'm so gay!!!
he makes me smile so easily like "SNAP!"
just like that!
he's like )@(*#&-10237_)(@#_190231023.
and then! and then! @(#*&!_(*)#$!*#
and then! and then! @*!&~_!(*)@$&_1
and yesterday he @#*&!_)@#!_()@#*!
and then! and then! _!(@*#)_!*(#
he's so cute! he's so sweet to me!
he puts the cherry on top of my sunny day!

tickled by you to wake up from a dream is sucha sweet feeling.

feelings.

2007-04-17T07:13:00.000-07:00

it's all in the mind- as people always say.

when i was young, i will have this sudden
thought in my mind saying 'who am i? do i really
belong here?' and i will freak myself out totally
and end up bugging my mum the whole night
asking things like 'was i adopted?' and
all those stupid questions that will really make
her beg me to stop.

one day i was talking to sunshine about it
and she felt the same kinda weird feeling too.
like sometimes when you're alone, you'll feel that
everyone around you is fake or maybe their robots
and someone up there is actually making a life story
of you cos you're the only real living thing around.
that feeling is really scary.
bestie, let's stop scaring ourselves pls.
but come to think of it.
people can get really fake.
they talk about how bitchy and selfish you are
to your friends and sometimes they twist and
make up their own stories and then in front of
you, they act like you're his/her bestfriend.
and the worst part of it is that sometimes, both
are your friends and you don't know what to
do about it.
and i've came to a conclusion that if ever that
happens, i'm gonna shut up and leave everyone.
this is too much for me to take.
it's really sad to know that people like this still
exists and sometimes i can really pity myself.
it's not like i'm acting like an angel or smth.
but think.
yes, i think they are fcukers.
yet i'll still pity them in one way or another,
cos it might be because of a really bad impact on
them that causes them to be an asshole, or maybe
it's just because their just plain spoilt.
and while blogging this entry, i feel so weird.
there's this sudden gush of feeling that wants to
burst out screaming and yet there's another half
of it that cries in silence.

just a random entry.
i know i lack sleep.
but i'm pretty sure that what i say makes sense
and you know what i'm talking about. :D

NOT APPRECIATED.

2007-04-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

all these shit just had to happen to me.
fcuk.
why me?
what, my life a movie or something?
i'm tired.
abso-fcuking-lutely tired.

sometimes people just don't appreciate.
they seem to be walking advertisements on
how to lie.
and i'm the signboard that goes 'stop!'
but no one listens till shit happens on they
themselves.
do i look like i'm trying to get you into trouble?
like who am i trying to kid?
i gain nuts you bodoh.
i'm so busy trying to solve others' problems
that i totally forgot about mine.
i don't really care.
and you.
i'm tired tired tired of entertaining you.
can i stop already?
i've been hinting you that i really dislike you
but you just don't get it.
you're rich you're fit .
you've got everything.
but i'm just not someone who wants a tai tai life
or whatever perfect life you've planned for your
future whoever you wanna be with.
you're a MAN.
don't whine to a GIRL like me who's 4 years
younger than you.
it's just so gay that i get goosebumps each and
everytime you do it.
and i swear that one day my mao on my hands
and legs will just fall off.
just go find someone on the streets .
they'll be more than happy to be your girlfriend.
and then you both can spend and rot and die
together.
i seriously don't care about whoever out there
feels right now cos i feel so unappreciated.
i feel so disappointed.
and this is the best i can get to take revenge.
it's to rant over here.
and i have no one to blame actually.
only myself.
i care too much.

AH!
i need a hug so much now.

cute little kids

2007-04-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes it's nice to make people smile...

just like that... :D

feeling goooood

2007-04-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

HOLLA!
i'm back[as in get used to] to the single life!
and i've never felt better for these 3 months.
rejected enough.
ached enough.
:D

hoah yeah!
and i totally love the p-p-people around me!
LOVE mother simee kenny gengky jannanah aaron gowri hanif yuren twin szeman arisa misato saffy farhana sweix grace rachel wan eddie ben junhao samuel amanda-pap hilmi fulin farah syarfa kau huimin liyana che-cheryl daliah koon marcus lianwei hebin ershah ronald marvin hafiz teckwee cousin vic etc.
these are the people who really woke me up from depression.
and even though a few in those names are outta my life,
they'll be remembered like.. FOREVER!
be thankful be thankful.
and i'm totally feeling blessed right now cos i know
that there are alot who actually care for me. :D
who needs a boyfriend anyway?
heahh.

went to ijc for band yesterday.
percussion section!
love them much!
and basketball ytd with the clique and the others
was super fun please!
was laughing almost throughout the whole game.
and misato was so funny that i nearly pee-ed in
my pants while laughing.
and not to worry gengky... she's to'ally fine. :D

i'm feeling so happy nowadays that i forgot
what emo is.

should i rebond and cut my hair short?
like shoulder length short?
cos i kinda feel tired of being myself.
long hair for like what.. 5 years?
i wanna FEEL different.
i wanna BE different.

simple

2007-04-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

simplicity would do.

to ronald AGAIN. fcuk you!

2007-04-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

music and lyrics
nails
way back into love
ferrero rocher
dream
time of your life
magic tricks
poker
ballroom dancing
star-gazing
guitars
hongkong food
stomp the yard
long rides
birthdays
and on it goes...
period

sometimes you think he's special.
yeah.
now i really think he's special.
eSPECIALly AT LYING.
you could have done something about it.
you could have fcuking told me the truth.
ahh....
i feel like shit.
and half of of it is because i'm having your share
of it while you're happily back together with her.
well you should be the one feeling this, not me.
and i can't figure out why i'm not angry.
blame it on me i guess.

and back to the you i still do miss.

to my alex... good bye

2007-04-07T02:37:00.000-07:00

those memories are haunting me.
again and again and again.
it all happened so fast.
and i guess now it's the end of this beautiful chapter.
i thank you.

there aren't words good enough to exactly describe how
i feel.
i just know i do, and i can feel.
all these emotions are too much for me to handle and at
the same time, it's just enough to make me grow.
the songs of us just keeps repeating in my head.
it's like a bitter sweet lullaby that can either make me
smile or tear while those memories flash past my mind.
i still can't figure out how you did that magic, but i'm
pretty sure i fell for it.
as long as you're happy.
as long as you're happy...

freaking 22 year old kid.

2007-03-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

hey.
i don't owe you anything.
and i don't need you to come change my life.
i'm seriously better off without you.
you're 22 and you're fcuking spoilt.
rich.
SO?
i'd prefer someone with brains and maturity.

'i hate you!
i'll never call you again!
you're mine.. it's a fact.
everyone bows to me.
no one can resist me.
no one has ever talked to me like that!
no one has ever disobeyed my orders.
no one has ever stepped over me!'

baaaaaasket.
i think your body grow 5 times faster than your brain.
don't know who say won't call.
now calling like hell.
somemore nudge me in msn.
today sms me also dunno how many times.

and guess what.

I DON'T CARE.

like a kid

2007-03-26T06:20:00.000-07:00

i wanna be a fashion designer!
i wanna be an astrophysicist too!
can i be both?
i'm so excited!
i want my own sewing machine!
i wanna go spotlight and china and india to buy
pretty pretty fabrics!
and those cute little buttons can be sewn all over!
i wanna make my own clothes!
i wanna sleep under the stars!
i wanna know them!
do they know me too?
do they do they?
cos i'm been looking out for them all the time!
can i name my own star?
i wanna know asteroids and constellations and
planets and black holes and the sun and the moon!
not forgetting comets and shooting stars!

sooooo exciting!!!

and goodbye to my alex.
be safe pls.
i'll be missing you!
say hi to those swiss chocolates!
xxoo!

fcuk this.

2007-03-24T20:55:00.001-07:00

and now i wish you disappear...

something short.

2007-03-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

oh fcuk.
she's leaving like... tomorrow.
i don't know what to say..
but i really do hope this choice of hers will bring her
closer to happiness.

'oh.. jane's the one for me..' says he
'oh.... jenna's the one for me..' says he
'oh.......jo's the one for me..' says he

fcuk. HOW MANY WIVES DO YOU WANT?!

it's so funny how people can say the exact same thing
about every single one they've been together before.
when someone's blinded by love, they say the sweetest
things like 'oh... i love you more than my mother.' [lolle!]
and when their in bad terms, all the cb lj all come out.
to sum up what i feel right now, SOME people are just
not ready to fall in love because they don't even know
love to even begin to fall in.

to all around me:
i'm sorry.
sorry for being so hot tempered these weeks.
there are really many things bothering me and i've yet
to find a way to solve 'em.
please forgive me.

you're too good to be true.[yeah you.]

RONALD

2007-03-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

fetching
car accident
30 minutes of finding lots
a breakfast dinner
rootbeer bottles
music and lyrics
popcorn
wind
loud music
westcoast
long walks
long talks
macdonald's
nails
poker cards
tricks and flourishes
brandon
coins and rings
gastric
star gazing
moonwalk
ballroom dancing
scissors stone paper
sweet care

started silly
ended sweet

alive and not goood

2007-03-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

life is not easy..
life is not easy..
i've started blogging again as i found that i no
longer need any replies for my rants.
i should keep them here and find the answer for
myself.

and here i am,
FINALLY being able to rot at home and clear some
cobwebs.
this year's beginning wasn't very beautiful,
neither was it that bad.
i grew quite alot and of course fooled quite alot too,
with feelings especially.
i hurt quite a few people... but figured out that i'm
causing more hurt to myself indirectly.
i've learnt to let go.
i've learnt to accept.
quite alot happened actually.
but i don't wanna elaborate much.

there came this day when i suddenly felt so lonely that i
cried to sleep. i felt like everyone's leaving me.
cos earlier that night, i was having dinner with my cotton.
he said something about 'what if one day someone close
to me dies? i wonder how i'll be.' at that very point of
time, he got me wondering too. such an ass right.
and that got me started being emo that night.
and that's when i found out that quite alot of people has
and is going to take a step backward from my life.
hafiz my bitch is leaving for poly..
i've lost a friend cos what he
wanted was something more than friendship and no less.
my bestfriend's ignoring me.. and i don't know why.
nina's leaving for poly too..
and soon, my brother ,ronald will be leaving for
switzerland to further his studies.
gowri, my closest friend has applied for poly...
she wants to go so much cos she can't cope over here,
but i've been selfishly praying that it won't
succeed... cos i really need her.
i'm sorry darling.

other than that, i myself has taken a step back other's life.
so sorry to jannanah especially. love you lots k!
sorry to those who messaged to meet or to ask how's life.
i never did reply all of em. heh.
i'm a vary vary beezeh persan ya know?
serious!
i'm busy!
you see, i end school at 5 on mondays and then
i have tuition till 630.
5.45pm on tuesdays and thursdays.
i have band on wednesdays and fridays...
SEE!
plus my dad's bugging me to go for driving.
so NOW i have driving lessons!
PLUS i'm bugged to go for jamming.
SO WHAT YOU WANT!? HUH!?
WHAT YOU WANT?!
i'd to even neglect my fishes....= (
they've been there for me when i'm sad lorr.

have you ever done something so wrong to a person
that you ought to be punished, but that person never
blames you for any of it?
i say, that feeling SUCKED!
scold me. hit me. punch me.
at least i'll feel less guilt.
but i never get those.
in fact, i got hugs and kisses of forgiveness.
THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
and i felt much more guilty than i should have.
in fact, i feel like strangling myself for it.
that feeling's worse than anything in the world i say.
i've been a bitch. but you didn't blame me. yet you offered to
be there for me whenever and wherever i need you.
you really showed me what love can do.
and i admire you for it.
thank you sam.
i'm sorry.

time flies.
i hardly remember how i lived past these months.
maybe there were too much feelings for me to handle.
i guess.

during meet the parents session, mdm ong talked to my
mum. not only about me of course.. [still got their
kampong times... lol]
she gave me this piece of paper filled with chinese
characters which i can't read half of it.
the title says smth like 'be thankful'
be thankful to those who lied to you. cos they taught
you to not trust easily.
be thankful to those who defeat you. cos they
strengthened your abilities.
there's quite a few.
but there's this one phrase i like alot.
be thankful to those who hurt you cos they
strengthen you emotionally for the future.
i would like to thank this very person.
he really made me stronger.
but still...
it doesn't change the fact that he's an asshole now.
LOSER.

i'll blog tomorrow.

oh.
ignore that.

take that-shine

2007-02-25T23:37:00.000-08:00

this mtv is stupid.
the band kinda suck too.
but the song sure makes me smile like crazy!
WOAHYEAH!

You, you're such a big star to me
You're everything I wanna be
But you're stuck in a hole and I want you to get out
I don't know what there is to see
But I know it's time for you to leave
We're all just pushing along
Trying to figure it out, out, out.

All your anticipation pulls you down
When you can have it all, you can have it all.

So come on, come on, get it on
Don't know what you're waiting for
Your time is coming don't be late, hey hey
So come on
See the light on your face
Let it shine
Just let it shine
Let it shine.

Stop being so hard on yourself
It's not good for your health
I know that you can change
So clear your head ang come round
You only have to open your eyes
You might just get a big surprise
And it may feel good and you might want to smile, smile, smile.

Don't you let your demons pull you down
'Cause you can have it all, you can have it all.

Hey let me know you
You're all that matters to me
Hey let me show you
You're all that matters to me.

Hey let me love you
You're all that matters to me
Hey so come on yeah
Shine all your light over me.

will blog soon!
so STOP PESTERING ME ON MSN!
*dances*

happy 18th birthday.

2007-02-04T01:07:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!!
my birthday wouldn't be filled with smiles without all of
your wishes and blessings and time and friendship and smiles
and magic and...
thank you so so much!
especially those who knows how tough it is for me to overcome
that fear of the day.
it hurts alot. but thanks to you, you got me out from that
quick sand and kept making sure that i'm alright and not tearing
at any part of the day.
and some very special people gave me a hell of a good time!
it's been sooo long since i had such a fun rendezvous.
to some, we've lost touch for quite some time. even years.
yet you guys still cared. that's really sweet!
to you people, thank you thank you.
it's really sweet to know that people still do care about your
special day[you] even though you said nothing about it.
i truly appreciate all of it.

my bestfriends, sim ee and kenny.
amanda pappi
yuren
genghui
aaron
my god sis steph
weiping twinie
junhao
gowri
szewei
farhana
grace
rachel
che-cheryl
chingwai sis
jinwen
he bin
cheryl sis
marvin
sanjayyy
yiling sis
jannanah
keathwee bro
aunt rachel
victoria
kengguan
szeman
sam chionh
nina
eris
xuanting
sining
dawn
emily
james bro
zhisen bro
winston bro
andrew
sining
yifong
etc. etc.

lastly, i wanna thank my mum.
=)

i've learnt that birthdays are not about cake, presents, stars
or anything.
those are just material gains.
birthdays are about thanking everyone around you, a hell of
a good time with your closest friends, the love, the friendship,
and a good pack of cigarettes[HAH! i'm legal
aged! you bunch of LOOOOSERSS].
no la that's just extra. i don't smoke you know.
what i've learnt might be what you guys heard of, know of.
but how many really won't get disappointed because no
one took the effort to buy a cake or present for you?

that's why,

i've learnt it now.

have you ever?

2007-01-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

have you ever felt like there's someone else inside you trying
to burst out but you can't let him/her burst out because you
wanna proof people wrong?

have you ever felt like listening to emo songs for the whole day
and actually feel better after listening to it
because the lyrics somehow soothes your soul telling
you that someone actually understands how you're feeling?

'that apple is mine! but john took a bite of it already!
it was on my table just a few seconds ago!'
so near yet so far...
have you ever felt like this before too?

have you ever felt like crying just because the sky is turning dark?

have you ever felt like crying just because it's going to rain?

have you ever tried to entertain yourself by flirting so as to
keep yourself occupied and not think of the sad part of your life?

have you ever felt that something's suppose to happen but it did not?

have you ever felt like running away from something that you treasure[like a song]?

and have you ever tried hurting yourself and in the end it feels kinda good because
it feels better than a bleeding in the heart?

i had.

and PUH-LEASE. i'm not having depression...

or am i?

SHUT UP...

where is shiying?

2007-01-25T04:44:00.000-08:00

i see spider webs growing on this blog.
and i feel like clearing them away right now.

sometimes its wishful thinking.
wrong.
it has always been wishful thinking.
i hate this period of time.
like a kite.
you mend its torned body.
but when you try to fly it again, it gets torn again..
again... again... and again...
no i didn't shed my tears.
but my heart bleeds.
let me tire myself out.
and i realised that i'd rather get physical pain than a heart bleed.

anyways. i've been working hard!
chemistry. a subject i detest.
yet i get full marks for my test.
and its the first time i feel that i don't deserve anything like this.
like WATDEFUK!
chemistry lehh. i fever is it.
and my GP's improving. heh.
[let me boast a lil laa. you guys get to do it all the time.
i first time know!]
been paying attention in class and studying during my supposedly slacking time.
to phrase up what i'm trying to do now, is to make time fly.
i feel like i'm screwing up my life right now.
and sometimes i feel like i'm wasting my youth.
and i hope i won't fall half way through.
and and and........[complete the rest of this paragraph]

i don't feel like i'm myself anymore.
like i'm someone else. or is it my old self?
look at the way i type and phrase things! so different!
i came to realise that for the past few weeks i've been entertaining myself by looking at cute guys.
i've never been like this before. but come to think of it.. my school's cute guys quite a number seh..
after one year in MI then i open my eyes. lols.
SIAO.

URGH! FCUK! FORGET IT! I'M SO ABNORMAL RIGHT NOW!
talk like constipation... @_(*$~_($)~)!$
i'll blog when shiying comes back. TSK! irritating.

until the day i die

2007-01-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

HOLLAA!
i'm sorry that it took me so long to update you guys.
something that i didn't expect to happen ever...happened.
but i'm alright... i'm alright... =)
i won't be able to blog much nor change my template already.
i just wanna work hard these two years.
i just wanna let it past as fast as possible.
ring me up or email me if you miss me.
and don't let me lean on you.
i wanna be strong....
i don't wanna cry no more.
let the rain take it all away.
hugs and kisses to all of you.. especially those angels who gave me golden advices.
i shall keep them in heart till the day i die...
loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with that person.

i miss you i miss you.
but i don't wanna do this anymore.
let me choke on my tears and scream my heart out.
you're so poison. you're so addictive.
you know we're meant to be one.
don't come near me.
don't tempt me.
let me heal then shall we start from scratch.
i respect your decisions.
and i'll make my promises.
i'm poisoned.. so poisoned..

why i love them

2006-12-15T22:13:00.000-08:00

I LOVE MY CRAZIES!
aaron koh cheak jian
arisa nomura
lek genghui
lim yuren
louis tan chuan ming
tiong fulin

sick ness

2006-12-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

guess wat.

ok. stop guessing.
i'm sick.
as in MORE sick.
my fcuking friends came to visit me.
their names are fever, sorethroat, flu and pain.
but i don't really like them.
sighhhhhhhhhhhh.
this sucks.
i didn't go for work.
screw this day.

working at robinsons.

2006-12-07T05:16:00.000-08:00

whatever laa NURUL HUDA BTE JOHARI!
her school start in MAY... like.. MAY!!!!!!
you do the math.
it's like 19875198751435 days!
*&^$)(*&_($*&($)
hanah...i'm jealous laa...
*stares*
ANYWAYs.
i'm starting work tomorrow at raffles city's robinsons.
so if you miss me and you wanna see me,
you can actually come down and secretly stand at one corner to peek at me.
i won't mind.
really.
juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding.
i'm sorry to those who had food in their mouth while reading that.

the post about my cambodia trip will be up soon.
i'm sorry, but the word 'soon' in my dictionary is undefined.
so you can actually wait. *shows teeth*
i'm feeling monotone as you can feel while reading this stupid bloody idiotic moronic shit-ass entry.
i'm having a bad bad sore throat and i feel like i'm dying.
so spare me .
i'm going to sleep.
*blackout*

p/s: i've got blisters under my feet! =(((

be thankful

2006-11-25T16:18:00.000-08:00

sometimes its just so difficult to accept the truth.
especially the truth about growing up.
innocence will slip away bit by bit as the harsh reality is bombed right onto our faces.
it all seem blurred when i wanna think about my childhood times now.
as we grow up, we slowly forget how to thank our parents.
to impress and to blend in with other people, we became selfless, and selfish towards the people who'd given us the roof over our heads..the food to fill our stomach...and the people who'd given us life and their flesh and blood..
like what a joke right? we forgot.
we forgot how to thank them...
how much worser can it get?
we take our allowances without even thinking where it came from,
we thought it was dropped down from the sky automatically each and everyday,
and we didn't thank them enough/at all for it.
we blamed them infront of our friends about how little money we're getting. then we'll start to compare... 'mine worse lor! i only get 7 bucks a day la!'
now that i thought of it... shit you! it's enough la! who call you not to eat at home.
or maybe we talk about how we shoot them back when they scolded us.
gawd, i feel guilty.

i remember those times when very often, i'd get lost in the shopping centre cos im' always trying to figure out every single thing i see, then my mum will be right ahead of me looking at her own stuff.
and whenever i'm lost and don't see her around, i would think that she's abandoning me.
then my loud crying would alarm the whole toys department, and when my mum hears it, she knows it's me crying cos i'm lost (again).
then she'll rush to me and assure me that she's here and will not abandon me...
i couldn't imagine how embarassed she was when that retarded wailing in the middle of the whole crowd is her own daughter.
like if i'm her, maybe i'd just walk away acting like i dunno that wild animal.
*smirks* parenting is so scary.
i wanna say thank you mama and dada!

oh. btw.. i'm having a sale at my old blog. www.popsicle-stix.blogspot.com
i'm having depression... cos it's been 2 days... and no one's bothering about it.
= (((
so please help me clear them out you kind souls.
most of the stuffs are at 2 dollars each only.
thank you and have a nice day!
neeheehee!

christina aguilera - hurt

Verse 1:
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.
You told me how proud you were but I walked away.
If I only I knew what I know today, ohhhh.

Pre-chorus:
I would hold you in my arms.
I would take the pain away.
Thank you for all you've done.
Forgive all your mistakes.
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To hear your voice again.
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.

Chorus:
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself by hurting you.

Verse 2:
Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit.
Sometimes I just wanna hide cuz it's you I miss.
You know it's so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this, ohhhh yeah.

Pre-Chorus:
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To have just one more chance.
To look into your eyes and see you looking back.

Chorus:
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself, oh...

Bridge:
If I had just one more day.
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.
Oh, It's dangerous.
It's so out of line to try and turn back time.

I'm sorry for blaming you.
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I've hurt myself....
by hurting you.

i rock!

2006-11-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

DO NOT LAUGH!

WAAHAHAHHAHAHA.
hello you!
i'm back from cambodia!
shall blog about it on my next post cos i don't have the pictures with
me right now.
shall do it asap.
and wardrobe sale soon!